Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I'm not hyper, just confused and overwhelmed. Help me.

Okay I have a lot to say now so let's get goin'. I'm currently really confused as to who I like and don't like. Or if I like anyone at all. I hope it's just a temporary thing because it's really bothering me to be thinking about more than one guy at once. Two of them are close friends, one taken, one not. Another is a classmate whom I'm starting to get to know. And I'm not even sure I like him anymore. If I said I didn't, I would be lying but if I said I did I wouldn't be telling the truth either. I'm not sure I like anyone at all. This has not happened before. I am annoyed, but not at that, at the fact that I can't put myself together while everyone seems to be doing fine. I don't want a boyfriend but at the same time I do, I don't want a job but at the same time I do, I don't want to have to deal with people but at the same time I know I need them more than ever. And I don't know what I want but I know what I'm looking for and nobody seems to be giving me that. It is driving me nuts. It's like a sort of crisis most of you will probably never understand and I hope you never have to go through it because it feels like my mind is blowing up everywhere and I feel like I'm going nuts because of it. I'm just really not focused on anything because I'm too focused on everything and this is a horrible time for this to happen with the year coming to an end and my AP exams coming up and that picnic I want to plan and what I want to do in the summer and I just need something stable in my life for once, you know?!?!?! God, I'm going mental and I think it shows in the way I'm rambling right now, in fact all the words in my mind and my fingers nearly do not type as fast as what my mind is creating. Think of it as a train with no brakes or better yet as global warming, how we're using up more fossil fuels than are being created so technically, we're using future energy and are stressing and stretching the environment's resources. I feel this way: my mind is going at superspeed and my body cannot catch up. I want to collapse and freeze the world so I can have the time to think this out and straighten myself again then unpause it all so I don't get left behind. I think I have some mental issue like with my poor concentration skills because this, now that I remember, has happened before, a lot, since kindergarten. All my teachers complained I was a daydreamer but I think it was really my imagination going wild so I had to tune out everyone in order to live the daydream right. Sorry if all of this confuses you but if you can relate to it then please tell me what is going on with me so I can fix myself again. Seriously, if you're my friend and I seem either "hyper" tomorrow or seem lost and out of it and spacey, calm me down and bring me back to Earth and guide me back to reality. Please. As much as it may bother me.

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