Happy Halloween

Teenager Posts

Teenager posts, in rainbow form. Because COLORS.































































last but not least...

nighttime

As night crawls
approaching at an exponential rate
ready to consume day
and holds all those awake captive
I slowly sink
deeper into the crevices of my own mind
losing feeling
losing sense of reality
losing touch with it all
caught in a living nightmare of my own

is this life
is this even me anymore
what monster has taken over me
certainly this is not me
what is now
and what is here
what is and turns into what isn't
and why becomes because
a mishmash all in my brain

At A Distance

I've talked about this to one (update: two) of my friends and UGH is it bothering me.

I've distanced myself from a lot of people.
Classmates.
Family.
Friends.

Classmates:
Well, you know, there's always a group of kids in every grade that says "our class sucks" ...and I am one of those kids. Back when I had more classes with some of the regular kids and what you'd deem the "populars", I felt so out of place. All they would talk about is "shopping" this and "partying" that and have vapid conversations about topics I couldn't care less about.

I mean, granted, I've noticed they're not ALL bumbling idiots with an IQ the size of their shoes, some care about politics, science, and actually earning their grades and helping others. But when I tried to make friends, I had a feeling all they would do was judge me and my awkward nerditude (and to be honest I'm not even that much of a nerd, interest-wise) and made fun of me both behind and in front of my back.

I mean, just because I don't get wasted every other weekend or have had 15 boyfriends doesn't mean I judge you for doing so. It's your life, bro. I don't hate you. I don't agree with your actions.. but I don't hate you. If you had been nice to me, I would've been nice to you.

Nowadays, it's even cute if you're a nerd, or if you actually study.
Oh, but only if you're hot.
YAY double standards.

My family isn't exactly the one I'd like to have:
When you're Hispanic, you expect everyone to be super close to each other and having each others' backs a lot;  I remember going to my grandparents' every Sunday and getting together with some cousins and just spending time together and having 'fun'. I don't know if it's just me, but everyone seems to want to do their own thing now and now I hate going to their house because all I do is get annoyed by the spoiled and poorly raised (not so) little ones and the arrogance of the adults. And I don't really talk to anyone while I'm there, so why bother.

Friends:
Like I've explained to my friends. I'm still somewhat sensitive and I don't have any classes with them, so when I try to hang out with them I have nothing to contribute and feel out-of-place. So I just lurk and sulk in silence. And just because my brain is a jerk to me, whenever I hang out with them I'm reminded of my depressed times, which I'm trying to avoid altogether.

Everyone's going to end up going their own path anyways, and it just makes me all upset to think so, but we all know it's true.

Also... I spent years not talking to a lot of friends (I have more friends than you think, MOM!) and losing connection with them, people that have never done me wrong and that I miss. I mean it sounds disgustingly conceited but.... There's only one of me to go around (okay I'm done. I'm really not conceited at all) and I can't spend all my time with just one set of friends. I like and I miss everyone, and if I don't have much to talk about with one group, then I'll go be happy with my otherfriends.

I feel like I sound like a jerk right now, maybe I do or don't but I'm just putting my feelings out there.

In between the bouts of melancholy and sudden rushes of hyperactive joy... the violently fluctuating inconstancy of my emotions is too much to handle sometimes.

And I really don't want to be around anyone at all lately, but I do it because I know I need them.

It hurts to force yourself onto others when a voice in your mind is telling you nobody really cares for you, that you're trying too much and that if you weren't trying to spend time with people, no one would try to spend time with you.

And sometimes I feel like people would prove that to be true.

Which I why I'm living life at a distance.

Little Mouse is Cute.

Some people think mice are gross and/or scary but I say the opposite.
They are quite cute (the baby ones are anyway :P) and remind me of hamsters.
AND I LOVE HAMSTERS.
(in fact, I think some of these pictures might be of hamsters but I'm not sure)















So cute.

Insane but Free

Another short literary story by Experienced Novice

They see me with judging eyes and hear me with warped hearing.
The reality that is me is distorted to them.

Sometimes I wonder, without worrying, who I really am if they see me this way.
Who am I? And if I don't know who I am, then who will?

I remember my youth...I used to love cartoons and reality TV. The simplicity of animated characters beating each other with mallets and slapstick humour. The life of pregnant teenagers and the planning of brides-to-be. I listened to pop and other upbeat medleys, and dwelled in my own worlds of fantasy and child's play.
If someone was hurt, I would go and help. Things were as simple as yes or no, and is or isn't. How ironic that by living in my black and white world, I saw in technicolor.

I was one of them back then.

Then I grew up. I started to explore outside my little world, and the harsh realities of life and its complexity burned the gossamer film of innocence that had once covered my eyes. It wasn't as simple as kissing your cuts and bruises to make them feel better or turning away from a stressing situation. Before, I accepted that something was unfair because it had to be, and that adults or life had the right to choose whether it was or wasn't. Then after the loss of countless loved ones, and after suffering many unfairnesses, I refused to settle for what life had given me. I rebelled against society and it's pretty cookie cutter standards and cliques and did not want to settle for what life gave me.

And slowly, I went what they call "mad".

Notice I placed quotation marks around mad. Why, you ask? Well I ask you how do you know that I'm mad? What exactly constitutes sanity and who's to say I'm not deep down on the inside, a sane person who makes insane choices and chooses insane actions? And what are insane choices? What is wrong and what is right? Based off what? Morality? What is morality? Why do you think that? Was it taught to you? Do other people do the same things and follow the same things you do? How does that make it right? And what is your concept of right based off of? What if it's a lie, despite the overwhelming evidence and examples?

Maybe I'm one of the few sane people living in an insane world. Maybe I see it for what it really is, and you all choose to live in blissful ignorance.

Double take on that, will you. Think about it.
And so, my reasons for doing what I do, my job, are justified.

My days became stressful and my nights restless. What did I have to do to get back at the world? What would I have to do to bring the rest of the world down to this living hell, with me? Pry their eyes open to reality and hold them down to the fears and unfairness that I went through so that they could learn what life was really like?

A voice deep inside of me called to be a justice bringer to this city. I started to make use of my time, learning about these people and teaching them lessons. I went out on the streets at night and hid away in my asylum in the day.

...In life, there are always choices.
The choices you make do not make you, but they do pave the path to make others more favorable for you to take.

In my life, there was a big choice to make and I made mine.
I chose to become a "killer".

Finally. It was a release to find my place in the world, to do what was good for you and for everyone else. To see the beautiful tears and beckoning of people to let me give them the chance to live was satisfying. Their desperate shrieking cries made me realize that they had finally seen the harsh reality of life, I helped them break through the walls that confined their ignorance in a box.

I chose to follow my calling and do what I thought was right, and it happens to be that you "sane" people find it "wrong".

Given the right circumstances, anyone can go "insane".
Everyone is tortured by frustrations of their own and are confined to expectations and limits of what is right and what is wrong.

But you are the one to choose to let it out and shatter the glass illusion of what you should be.

I did, and I'm finally free.

Time was 'wasted' on Memebase. I regret nothing.

logic, bro.

this guy has all my respect points.

HA. So true.

I want a Sir Cat.

'merica.

I know the feels.