Stay Strong.

So many things going on in my life... Problems, problems, everywhere. School, friends, family.. life in general. I've been on the cusp for weeks now. I try to not let people notice. Some days I hide it better than others. Other days I want to blow up, scream at the top of my lungs, punch everything and everyone, and run away and cry myself to sleep on a park bench, alone, where I can worry about no one and nothing but myself.

There is like, a cancer pandemic, or something. I know so many people with cancer now. My brother told me today that his old elementary school friend died of cancer. The kid was 13. And he just said it casually.

Does it bother anyone else that this is becoming just a normal part of life? People are supposed to die old and peacefully. Not by cancer, out of all things. My best friend's grandparent also has cancer. I don't know whether to tell him to hang on or let go. I know it hurts either way. It bothers me to see him so worried and out of it. I wish I could do something but I feel so useless. But I know that that all I can do is at least be there if he ever needs me. I trust in him, and I hope he can come to me when he needs someone...

My mom's old friend's daughter of 12 years of age is still recovering from leukemia. This young girl, who had to worry about which wig to pick out for school. Each birthday party celebrated like it was going to be her last. Worried about medical expenses and the life she lived. Fortunately, her hair has grown back and her cancer is gone, and she has a baby sister to take care after. I'm happy for her. Whatever happens, happens. I don't want to live in the past but I don't want to have to worry about the future. Stay strong, my loves. Stay Strong.

(The title of this post comes from Demi Lovato, who got a tattoo of the words "Stay Strong" on her wrists after getting out of rehab. It's something that makes me want to keep going, something I live by everyday.)

-ExperiencedNovice

Dreams of flying

I haven't had a dream for a long time. One that I'm aware of, anyways. I used to always have these dreams of flying. I would just star running, and I'd start floating lightly... kind of like in space. I could manuever myself around, and although I'm afraid of heights, I wasn't then. If only I could be some sort of superhero in real life. If only...

Excuse me.

You know how in the beginning of this blog I excused myself and said that there would be some days when I wouldn't write anything at all? This is one of those times. It's just been kind of hard for me lately...

So many kids take most of their lives for granted. For example, this one stupid (Isn't it always?) girl said something in class today. "I think we're one of the richest schools in the county." Bitch, please. No we're not. Not all of us, at least. Are the poor just invisible? Do I not count? Uh, yeah, hello, am I not here?!?! Come visit me. Live my life. Try to stay an entire week here, and see how different our lives are. Most of the things you have you take for granted. My small apartment, a struggling, dysfunctional family of four, in a disadvantaged neighborhood, where more than half the people are either druggies or violent alcoholics. Where the American Dream is vanished. Empty promises this country makes, illusions burned to the ground like photographs. (America sickens me.) Some are lucky. They get all their stuff in line, and boom, they have jobs, a nice house to live in, and life is good. Most aren't as lucky. Depending on your nationality. (I used to be constantly criticized and made fun of because of my nationality, my appearance, and stereotypes. It hurts when you know that all their words are true and it's more than a stereotype, it's life. Those kinds of things are not things to joke about... This may or may not explain why I hate them so much.) Parents...The harsh reality only sets in when you realize that because of your fault, your kids are suffering too. Here where the chances of getting a good future are slim to none. Your only wish is that your kids do well in school and you work your asses off to make money so that they can at least assimilate with the others...And you have the nerve to say we're all rich. Some kids, a few months younger than me, have cars already. You can afford to spend 3-5 dollars for lunch every day. Surprise, surprise, I can't. And shopping is just one of your hobbies. I have to scavenge furiously from store to store to find something both nice and cheap. Your futures are all set up for you by your mommies and daddies. Some of you are barely getting by with your grades. You prefer partying and drinking and... ugh. I'm overgeneralizing here but this is what I see in my school. (I said something funny to J today.. I think I have mentioned it to C or S... "You're all going to graduate with STD's." I was barely able to contain my laughter.) I don't belong here. I read a book for school once: The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian. The Native American (ironic, eh? native.) kid leaves his own kind to go to an all-white, stereotypical rich kid's school. And he "betrays" his family, his race, and they all hate him because he walked away and left them, only to create a better future for himself. This book, like me, wraps all of the depressingly true stuff behind a mask of crude and realistic humor. It is one of my favorites. Plus, it has pictures.

What am I doing now?

I like these segments. I will do these more often. I was just at Walmart, saw one of my friends... My brother thinks Aflac is a prescription drug, is sticking his fingers into a pie. I was being followed by young ducks...and they have come back. I stalked a heron, took pictures, and am dancing victoriously with my shoes off.

What am I doing right now?

Alone, laying down on the floor in a completely empty bedroom (except for one lamp) eating strawberries, listening to jazz, and studying. This is life, my friends.

100!

Today is a new day.

Hello! This is my hundredth post! Congratulate me, NOW. O.O
I'm going to celebrate by posting lots of stuff. 100 things to be exact. Be it facts, images, or links.
Here we go!

1) Just joined Pottermore. I was expecting to get into Ravenclaw, but got sorted into Hufflepuff instead. Still wondering why, but I'll try not to question Mama Rowling too much. *creepy smile*

2) HA.


3) Children and their answers.


4) Whenever I heard of the store, I thought of this!


5) Play on words. Is funny.


6) Oh, Dumbledore. Lol.


7) Knock, knock. Who dat?
8) The Boy Who Derped. DERRRR
9) Enough Potter. More cowbell.
10) How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate it before it was cool. *rimshot

11) Seriously, do you guys wanna just lie down, relax, and do nothing with me?


12) That reminds me... RAINBOW!
13) Rainbow...
14) Rainbow.
15) Rainbowwwwww
16) Rainbow Cake. WANT.
17) Rainbow Dash. Pony.
18) Rainbow Fish? Fishy.
19) Reading Rainbow. This show is my childhood.
20) Double Rainbow. What does it mean?
21) Tasting Rainbows. M&M's.
22) Enough rainbow. It doesn't even look like a word anymore.
23) I need more stuff if I'm going to get to 100.
24) Thinking...
25) %!@#$%&@#%!^#&#! It counts.
26) J. You know I had to mention him.
27) I am following: 366 Random Acts of Kindness
28) Kind-of old news. 'Hunger Games' Town For Sale: District 12 Hits The Market
29) My nose is twitching.
30) Ok. So I give up on the HUNDRED THINGS. Here is a picture of me to make up for it.
CLICK LINK.

Love ya. ;D
-ExperiencedNovice-

All so quickly

Hmm... I haven't been assessing my thoughts and feelings as much as I used to. I'm also an overall happier person than I was a few weeks ago. I like life now. I just wish I could hang out with my friends more often. I'm in my teenage years. This is when I'm supposed to be doing stupid things and going crazy, messing up and learning from it. But I don't even hang out with my friends that often. I wish we could go to the movies, have a picnic, host our own nerd parties, where we won't get wasted and smoke weed and have orgies like other kids do (*sigh* I've overheard their stories.), but just have fun and be ourselves and not worry/think about school or the rest of our lives. I don't like staying here, at home. I get to see enough of my family as it is; I think I'm just getting sick and tired of spending time with them, all the time. It sounds mean, I know, but it's true. Summer is going to be boring and lonely as hell, and I really need money, so I'm thinking of getting a job. It's scary out there. I'm horrified of growing up. I'm going to have to enter the rest of my life, sooner than I ever expected. Everything I've ever learned and all my life skills, ready to be put into action for what is my real life to come. I only have two years left of high school... I want to take control of my own life and make the most of it.

Few things

VIDEO: Attempted abduction of Brittney Baxter, 7, caught on CCTV in Atlanta Walmart store OMG how scary! That's a WIN for this little girl.
Miss Universe pageant allowing transgender women Changes are happening :) One more step towards equality.

"Blue Marble 2012" taken by NASA

Friday the 13th, 2012

To begin with, I don't even believe in this. I'm not really a superstitious person. In fact, I used to approach cats all the time, regardless of their color, and I remember when I was little, I would run under my dad's ladder often and laugh evilly.

...I'm weird like that.

So plenty of black cats for you, and have a great Friday. *smiles creepily*

Come on. Isn't he so cute?!?!?

Chocolate? CHOCOLATE!

I. Love. Chocolate.
So I have dedicated an entire post to it. <3
Here ya go!

Facts about chocolate:

• Chocolate comes from the Aztec word "xocolatl" which means "bitter water"
• Ancient Aztecs thought chocolate had magical powers; like the ability to give them strength
• Dark chocolate has more antioxidants than green tea and just as many as blueberries
• Switzerland is one of the top countries for chocolate consumption. The Swiss consume about 22 lbs of chocolate, per person, per year
• Chocolate produces the effects of a mild anti-depressant by increasing serotonin and endorphin levels in the brain
• Chocolate contains a small quantity of caffeine which emulates a mild amphetamine.

News:
Sweet 3D chocolate printer!!!!


Lame jokes:
Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A: Because no one wants to quit.

Q: Why don’t they make white M&M’s?
A: Because they’d enslave the black M&M’s, steal all the red M&Ms’ land, hunt the blue M&M’s to extinction, accuse the yellow M&M’s of obstructing trade, start a panic that the little green M&M’s were invading the Earth, and complain that the brown M&M’s were taking all their jobs.

1. Did you hear about the affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty?

2: No, what about it?

1. They had a baby, Ruth.

Quotes:

Momma always said life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. 

-Forrest Gump

There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate.

– Linda Grayson, The Pickwick Papers

If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant.

-Anonymous

Images:

You're welcome.

Girls dress..

lololololol >.< boys, you know it's true.

E.N. on why she wants to date.

I've talked about this before with a few people. Sometimes my friends ask me why I desperately want a boyfriend. Why dating matters so much to me. You say dating isn't everything. I see what you're getting at. But you don't understand what's it's like to be me. To know so many things, to worry about so many things, to never feel complete without someone else. I have friends that I treasure and adore. But that special someone... I haven't found him. Every time, things should be working out, but they don't. I either fail or if he likes me, I can't make myself love him back. I wish things could work out, just once, so I don't have to suffer through this anymore. So I can feel like that space is contained by something, someone wonderful. I need someone to be there for me. Someone to be there in a different way, in a position that my friends could never fill. Someone to trust with all my secrets. Someone who sees all my flaws, accepts them and learns to love them.

Everyone's posting music now, aren't they?

...Yep, all my blogging friends (only like, 2) have posted around the topic of lyrics. Alrighty then, giving in and joining the bandwagon. Hooray for peer pressure!

"So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me..."

Ending lyrics to one of my favorite songs about unrequited love. One of my favorite songs ever, actually. Yes, it had to be Coldplay.

In keeping up with the spirit of melancholy music, a playlist about troubles with love:

1. Taylor Swift- Untouchable
2. The Cardigans - Lovefool
3. James Blunt - You're Beautiful
4. Coldplay - The Scientist
5. U2 - With Or Without You
6. Maroon 5- Shiver
7. Coldplay - Shiver
8. The Black Keys - Tighten Up
9. Radiohead - Creep

"When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special..."

Have you ever felt like this? I have. Quite often.

Bloggin' Gone Mobile!

This is mah first mobile post! :P
I got Blogger installed on my new phone, and let me tell you, I'm loving it!

Eh, eh, there's nothin' else I can say.

What's up? I'm bored. I have pretty much no appetite, I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, I just had dinner two hours ago and I'm tired and sitting in silence (except for the TV) with my two cousins who came to visit. What else can I say? I don't have much to share and I miss my friends. What are you up to? I'd bet your life is much more interesting than mine. Surprisingly, I have nothing to do and I'm quietly sitting in the corner typing away on this mini laptop.

Check it.

D. introduced me to Julian Smith. He is an actor and director, singer/guitarist and funny. It was love at first sight.

JULIAN SMITH - Eat Randy
JULIAN SMITH - Got my Mac on with iPhone3GS
He even made an alter-ego: Jeffery Dallas, who has his own series.
JEFFERY DALLAS - Donut Pirate I'm obsessed with the little kid. I love him! >.<

Just look at this guy. How can you not love him?

The VlogBrothers. YES.
How To Be a Nerdfighter: A Vlogbrothers FAQ First you must be inducted. Join us.
World's Stupidest Dog 
The most fascinating video ever.
Fitness for Nerds

Hummingbirds!

AWESOMEEEEEEE <3


OMG IZ SO TRUE.

BAI.

Puppies!

Kitties!

Kitties will rule the world. It should be illegal to be this cute.

The Zombies are coming.

Are you prepared for the zombie apocalypse?

The CDC, (Center for Disease Control [and Prevention]) tells you the basics.
I'm not even kidding. This is for reals.

I like this site.
5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

Lame puns!
What do vegetarian zombies eat for lunch?
GRAAAAIIINNNNNSSSS


What do zombies look for in a girl?
Brains.


Where should you hide in case of zombies?
The living room.


Where do zombies go for a swim?
The Dead Sea.

lololololo >:D 

You are ready. (NOT.) Have fun dying. :P

More music.

Do you even click on the links? Listen to my music or I will hunt you down. O.o
Okay, not really. Just click.

1. Katy Perry - Part Of Me I like the lyrics.
2. Fort Minor - Where'd You Go Thanks, S (the girl). -_- It's stuck in my head now.
3. VAST - Pretty When You Cry Haven't heard of VAST in forever... rediscovered >:)
4. VAST- Flames If I could only have a love like this... :/
5. VAST - Tattoo of Your Name Women can be deceiving trolls. Lesson learned.
6. Gretchen Wilson - Redneck Woman I'm not a redneck woman, but this song is frickin' catchy. I wish girls were less prissy; the lyrics are great: "No, I don't need to designer tag to make my man want me"
7. Shinedown - Unity Oh yay >.< Shinedown came out with a new album: "Amarylis". New music!
8. Bonnie Raitt - I Can't Make You Love Me To any guy I ever like. -_-
9. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird (Studio Version) This make me want to fly. With this song as the background music. If I were a bird, I'd be either an eagle, a hummingbird, or a cardinal.