My 2012

It's almost the end of the year and looking back on it as a time period, it has gone by fast. But of course, when we examine spans of time day by day, it felt like those minutes were little forevers, some beautiful, some hideous.

How we wish we could encase those beautiful moments in glass and keep them close to us, near and dear to our hearts. There have certainly been a lot of moments in this year that I loved and will forever love. Friends that have been there for me no matter how crappy I was feeling, a simple hug that came at the right moment, singing carols to the ill, being trusted with something that no one else has ever been trusted with, having conversations with your best friends late at night, hearing my parents laugh together instead of yelling at each other (which doesn't happen too often), the first day of summer vacation, my friend's job party...

And how the bad moments were just unwanted... some were petty, others serious. Having those terrible days when everything sucked, the feelings of not wanting to get up or see anyone or even live, getting a bad grade that caused me to go down into failing territory, unwanted advances, liking people I shouldn't, almost getting in a car crash, awkward silences and misunderstandings, finding illegal drugs on my front porch...

But either way, 2012 was a pretty average year for me XD

This sounds self-contradicting but I can't wait for the new year (the year in its entirety, not the NYE/NY hype) as I plan to accomplish a lot more in 2013 and improve myself and the world around me.

Damn straight, AMERICA. Watch out for this madwoman.

Your Grammar Sucks

As a self-proclaimed Grammar (and spelling) Nazi, (although I admit I do have my moments) I proudly present to you one of the most hilarious bits I've seen on Youtube.

And yes, I've replayed this about three times, which makes for about an hour of narrated grammar fails.

Still funny.

DIDNEY WORL

Oh by the way I was hurrr
----->Disney World<-----

And I rode rides
And saw sights.

Oddly enough, Disney World wasn't as super amazingly magical as I remembered it.

It was pretty cool though. The first night was sweet, getting to perform with Disney's professional processional people (alliteration. Me loves it.) and seeing all those smiling faces (people paid money for this?) and the cameras (people wanna see and remember us?) and being under hot stage lights (ahhh all my sweat and potential mistakes highlighted for all to see!!) on a beautiful stage.

It was out-of-body experience for me, though. Like this isn't really happening whoa am I even here (not in a good or bad way.. Just weird) and I was excited but not excited (I did not understand this feeling.) and I wasn't the least bit nervous but I was anxious and ready.

and of course that night obviously consisted of seeing BACKSTAGE DISNEY!!!!! Wooooo-
No.
Backstage Disney...
....which isn't what I expected but I won't talk about it because I feel like the Disney police will come after me or something and oh my God they're here HOW DID YOU FIND ME MICKEY I SWEAR I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING NO NOT THE spiNnIng teACups of ToRture NO somebody please-

But yeah it wasn't super sparkly or shiny or anything. But that made stepping out into the park just a bit more immersive and magical.

And get this. I didn't get to do one performance but TWO. Man, I was feeling like a pro the second time around (okay not really but I wish) and Alfre Woodard said hi to me, which was pretty neat :)

Be jealous, fangirls/boys/Loch Ness monsters/other?

The next day we got to go to the park, tried to ride as many rides as possible, make the most of our day (despite having one ride close down on us [keep your arms, legs, tails, flippers, an' fins inside de clamshell...] yes we had memorized the warning from Sebastian by the time they told us we had to leave)

Oh my God am I craving the clam chowder I had there

My friends and I, being the cool cats we were, actually frowned and made bored faces at the "secret" cameras that took our pictures on the rides.

t'was a pretty good time.

I just hope I can do it again next year.

It's late at night and I'm feeling dem feels

Come and take a walk on the wild side...
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain.
You like your girls insane...

So yeah Lana Del Rey has a sexy voice and I'm kinda wishing I had a love that was like the lyrics right now.

Winter break has been pretty nice so far, chillax and lazy

(minus the impromptu family gatherings and entire past two days making up schoolwork that was due weeks ago... oopsie)

I mean I've been in this house for what 72 hours straight and I haven't showered since yesterday? Yeah this is the life- oh God I'm a hot mess
just someone please
Please take me out on a date
And make love to me not have sex (they are NOT the same thing) with me (well actually not yet but your intentions are sweet) but rather be crazy and random and fun and intelectual and witty and somewhat good looking and like me for who I am no matter how terrible it is sometimes (do I have unrealistically high expectations or is this just hard to find nowadays?)
And we'll run away together
And we'll go wherever the road takes us
and you'll have a sorta rusty run-down car
And we'll sing to the radio
And camp out and look at the stars
and I could serenade you with my guitar
And we'll have picnics
And skip around and be silly on the beach
and yeah
Like I can't wait to have a love like that
When we're old enough and independent enough but still young enough to do something careless and time-consuming like that
And yeah

that makes me want to write a poem
I'm such a hopeless romantic
Bleh

Take me away
Far away to a new land
A land of our own
Hold my heart
steady in your hand
Adventure's a thrill
Like our love
it's a ride
We don't know
where we're going
Where we'll end up
We don't care
We've got only each other
In this crazy world.
It's us against them.

So yeah... In my opinion that poem was pretty mediocre but then again feels are feels and I'm not restricting them as they come.
(or, at least, I'm placing the rest of the feels in le SECRET blog muahaha)

I've been doing that for too long, and the blogs are the only place I can (somewhat) keep enough sanity.

Loooooove,
ExperiencedNovice ;)

(pardon my chick-flick-worthy cheesiness and constant hitting on you gosh I am such a teenager sometimes)

Remember the Newtown incident?

Well here is something that says most of my feelings about it.

http://seetheconnection.com/2012/12/14/whats-wrong-with-the-world/

Bah, humbug.

Twas the night before Christmas
And at her aunt's house
Was Experienced Novice
(whom few know as Mouse)
The place was a mess,
Things flying every which where
As she ran round the house
While her aunt fixed her hair
The children were nowhere
Near their rooms nor their bed
Because dinner was soon
And the house smelled of bread
Aunt still fixing her hair
Grandparents taking a nap
Cousins eagerly waiting
To crush Santa's lap
Table finally set
After clangs and a clatter
Plates, forks, knives and red cups
Some may eat, while some chatter
Some shove away dinner
Down their throat in a flash
Not sure how it goes through
If they don't bother to gnash
It's time for dessert
The cake comes out all aglow
For you see, it's his birthday
Grandpa's candles to blow
How's he's aged, how's he's grown
No one asks him, what year?
Rather simply enjoy
And congratulate with cheer
More eating, repeating
They do this rather quick
And who comes down the stairs?
Why it's jolly ol' Nick!
But it's not, yes we know
It's really not a surprise
That Santa in red
Is really Uncle in disguise
Everyone piled on top of old Claus
There were giggles and cackles
And hearty guffaws
Presents given out
Each person called by name
One by one they walk up
For a gift they can claim
Well you get the idea
It was a merry fun time
But your dear little Novice
Has no reason to rhyme
She was cranky and grouchy
She did not have a blast
It was pretty okay
Thank God it went by fast
So I'll leave you here
With this post in your sight
Bahumbug to you
May your Christmas be bright.

Sleepless in So. Flo

Merp.
I'm supposed to go to sleep now
I want to
I try
I can't
But I'm so tired

What do you do to help you go to sleep? Comment please

Dammit.
I ran into G.
Almost literally.

He was outside, fixing his car or something, being his usual rugged bum self.

Why is he attractive.

Valentino Spring 2013

Do you not see this perfection like whAT i cANt evEn






one of my faves from this collection

Liveblogging the Apocalypse

So it is 1:00 AM, Eastern Time.
Not much activity going on here in my neighborhood on the eastern coast of the U.S. A plane flew by. It was a bit low, but otherwise not much out of the usual. It is dark outside.

3:07 PM. E.T.
Just got out of school, sorry.
It is cool in South Florida. Pleasant weather. No signs of zombies or major lava-spewing breaks in the earth's surface. My entire family's phones, however, lost signal at the same time.
There is a couple in a van, parked in a nearby empty parking lot. They have what seems to be a stack of envelopes/letters in their hands. How curious.
The sky is quite clear, for the most part, and the moon is high overhead.

5:30 PM E.T.
I'm not sure what's going on. The neighborhood children are performing some ritualistic activity involving screaming and running back and forth with a sphere decorated with black and white geometric shapes. I'm quite concerned.

6:00 PM E.T.
Mother didn't prepare dinner. I'm not eating as much as I thought I would be. I actually have almost no ideas on what to write. Maybe the apocalypse is real.

7:52 PM E.T
Wasn't the world supposed to "end" hours ago? Hmmmm...

I'm weak.

So I've wanted to talk about this...
It bothered me for a whole week after it happened and I'm pretty much over it but I still feel the need to let it out and get my thoughts out.

For the sake of protecting people,because I somehow still care about him, I'll call him G.

I mean, it's not half a big deal as it was to me at first, but...
Cut to the chase, Novice.

Anyways, I was out, hanging around with a few friends, and it was somewhat late, which is when everyone is outside because it's cooler and dark outside.

I feel kind of like a traitor for writing this on here, because he told me to keep this between us,but that's just weird and I mean I know I shouldn't keep quiet about these kinds of things, but whatever.

I mean, are you catching on yet?

Basically, someone whom I've known for a while, G, asked to hook up and have a casual thing going on with me. He told me I was cute, flirted...

And he got closer to me, I mean he was the one making more than passes at me. I mean it wasn't like I let him get a piece of this hot action (oh GOD NOVICE STOP this is no joking matter) but at one point he flirted a bit too much iykwim.

Oh, did I mention he's older than me by like about 6 or 7 years? (I can almost hear you screaming "Pedo!!!") Yeah. He asked me if I still liked him, and I mean.. he's "bad boy, admire and drool over" attractive, not "want to have a deep, loving and serious relationship with you" attractive. So I said "no, not anymore." (he knew I've had a crush on him for like the longest time)

He's got a reputation, and I, being the kind of person I am, like that. I like troubled guys. I know they're no good for me, but gosh, are they attractive. And wild and carefree, and everything I'm not.

And one part of me was like, "oh, cool. He's interested. Means I'm somewhat attractive, at least enough to catch the eyes of a guy like him. Aw yeah, I've got game" and another part of me was like, "NO don't do it he just wants to deflower you and then make you fall in lust and- Novice wat r u doin.. Novice stahp"

And I just felt so conflicted... Was it my personality: the fun and spazzy awkward, side of me, and is that what made him like me? Or was it all just a big lie to make me go to bed with him?

I thought. And thought.
And I felt like crap.

I've known G for a while, so his sudden new kind of interest in me  (other than sharing music and joking about all kinds of topics) was alarming.

It was a lightbulb moment.
It was different now. I wasn't a girl in his eyes anymore. I wasn't just a friend, a buddy.

I was a body, a target.

It made me uncomfortable. I, being so used to just being friends with people and almost never getting so close as to even being recognized as a female or getting hit on, liked to just chill with whoever and not worry about relationships and sex.

I haven't talked to G lately. Fortunately we haven't crossed paths. My knees get weak when I see him.. I hate it.

I hate knowing that if he really wanted to, he could have taken advantage of me right then and there and that I would be too physically weak to fight him. I hate knowing that even though I know he wouldn't do anything, it could happen with someone else.

And I feel so small and defenseless.
So weak. So vunerable.

Do you know what it's like when someone attractive that you've been admiring for years suddenly asks you if you want to hook up?

When you know that you're like putty in their hands even though you're smarter and wiser than them?

When you know you just might do whatever they say because you want them to like you?

Well do you?

What scares me most is that I'm almost surprised that I turned him down.

Almost.

"december so far" rambles that turn into rants again

herpaderp

december so far has been great!

we had our winter concert

and a few of my friends came

and i performed at a local small event

and met a famous drummer!

i missed half of a school day today

to go to the hospital

i got to sing happy birthday to a newborn baby <3

and bring christmas cheer to the ill,

i got chocolates

and gave a present

and ate cheese balls and brownies

i'll probably continue to stuff myself with snacks the next 2-3 weeks...

and i have another field trip today

and i'm going to disney world next week

and yeah

fuck yeah

but you know, with me...

theres always a dark side to everything.

people have asked me a lot

asked me if im okay

and i guess.. despite all this... i am but im not

not exactly.

i mean what used to be a couple fleeting moments

of a flash of a smile and a laugh here or there

and going home to long for the next day

when ill get to talk to my friends again

and sit in the dark and write 2-3 posts for you a day

are now a continuous strand of excitement and event after another

and no time for blogging casually

(or sleeping but i dont get much of that either way)

and im pretty satisfied with that

i dont have much down time anymore

to worry and comtemplate things like i used to

and be all brooding and anxious

i still feel empty though

because that

that one thought

is just waiting in the back of my mind

slowly creeping like an invasive growth

(except it doesnt move much

because its a sloth

okay no, it's an inanimate object

a toilet seat

okay no, it's not an object at all..

rather a feeling.)

but whatever

life continues and ill just keep waiting

for everything to fix itself in time

and if it doesnt

i dont know

im unlucky like that

ill try to make the best of it

so yeah

im done rambling

except not really

i have a lot more i needed to say

but i cant

and shouldnt

this will do for now.

So being the obsessive compulsive, person I am, I was awake this morning, awaiting for the clock to tick to 12:12 on 12/12/12. Actually, I was awake just because my body has the timekeeping skills of a carrot, but anyways.

I'll probably publish this post at that time, (spoiler alert: I don't) if my phone doesn't lag again like the moody little brat it is.

Oh wait. I'm a moody little brat myself, I'm in no position to be insulting my phone like that.

Ha. Hypocritical once again, eh Novice?

So yeah. 12. 12. 12. 12. 12.
Twelve.
Elves.
Elf.
Elk.
Elevator.
Elton John.
Idk.

Yeah. 12.12.12.
Bye.

Random rambles

So I totally gave up on uploading things for that photo challenge. Whatevs.

"Ready or not
Here I come
I like yo' face
do ya' like my song"
Omg Bridget Mendler you sound like a creep

Speaking of creeps, this guy at the mall kept giving me glance-overs and eyeing me like some sort of roasted bird glazed with honey and... and..
Mmmm
food

What is going on

So I'm just kinda stuck here
In bed
Thinkin bout lyfe
The quetto lyfe
its 2 rough
imma b a rapper someday
And sing bout that lyfe u aint about

I'm listening to that classic ish
Cuz I'm classy
So classy.
So classy...
That I go to school everyday.
HA get it because
Classes
No?
Okay.

I had breakfast at around midnight
And it's about 3 hours til dawn

as usual, I was inter-surfing, googling random shiz and I found tumblr pics and then I saw one that caught my eye and
Ugh
Androgynous people are so fascinatingly beautiful
like twinkle twinkle shining star
I dont care who or what you are
But you're so confident and
Beautiful

so I made friendship bracelets for myself [insert forever alone guy]

I still have to go prezzie shopping for my friend
And I suck at buying presents
Like I'm sorry
Even if I've known you for 10 years
I would still have no clue what the perfect and most amazing thing is for you that doesnt cost 50+ dollars
And isn't too personal
Or impersonal
or won't make you silently barf and wonder what possessed you to invite me to your par-tay
Bleh

So food.
I'm such a glut.
:(
I think everytime I'm bored
I think of food
Golosa.
Bad Novice.
I should go to the fridge.
I'm surprised I'm not like 15 pounds heavier than I am now

I'm tired but it's too late to go to sleep...
If I lay here,
If I just lay here...
would you lie with me
And just forget the world? <3

...

Oh.
K.
Your loss.
It was a quote from a song, buuuut...
I was also trying to be romantic and sweet and whatnot
But I guess you just find me awkward
Why does no one understand me and my silly romantic antics
:/
Maybe they understand and they like me
but I'm on Punk'd and can't ask me and my sweet self out on a date
Because it's all part of a show
Guys YOU CAN COME OUT NOW
Camera people?
I know it's a joke
It's okay I won't hurt you
I just want some lovin'
By people that are only half as creepy as I am
And 10 times as attractive
But oh wait-
10 times 0 is still ZERO
*raspberry noise*
*bah dum tsss*
meh
I'm so deliberately negative
It's not even funny sometimes

I should really go to sleep. At least for an hour or two.

YOU ALL LOST THE GAME.

I love you, poopies.

-ExperiencedNovice

DFC: Day 4

#favoritequote
I like a million other quotes too but whatevs

DFC: Day 3

#bestfriend
Well, you might say this is a little sad. But let me tell you somethin'. IF YOU'VE HAD A CHILDHOOD, YOU'VE PLAYED IN A BOX. A box is a wonderful method of transportation, a scary awesome ride down a flight of stairs, a tiny house of your own, a place to hide away from everything, a wonderland that you just walked into... The list goes on. Boxes nurtured creativity in me in my toddling days and even into my double digits and were a blank slate for my imagination to grow and expand onto.

DFC: Day 2

#SummerThrowback

DFC: Day 1

#selfie

December Photo Challenge

So for once, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and do the December Photo Challenge. I know I'm a day late, but screw it, I do what I want. :P

FAME!

"I wanna live forever, light up the sky like a flame!"

Okay, so maybe I don't.
Okay, I do.
But it's not a priority. More of a perk.

Anyways. Have I ever told you how badly I want to become famous?
At least a little.
Oh come on.
Pls.
Sosiety pls.
I will do anything to get there:
• Become an attention hog
• Abandon all my belongings
• Sell my soul (plot twist: I have none, I'm a potato)
• Sell things on the black market
• Sell myself, do you favors...

das right
anything u want bby.

Jk.
I'm not like that.

But I seriously want to at least gain a bit of recognition for what I love to do.

Make wonderful, deep, feel-all-the-feels kind of music. (And then some weird, vague, sounds-good-but-the-lyrics-make-no-sense kind of music, the kind that you would get high to or go on an escapade with).

I'd love to do covers to my favorite bands, do requests, write original stuff and produce everything I ever felt and dreamt of and haven't felt and will dream of... all the heartbreak, all the lovey-dovey-ness of relationships, all the madness, all the anger and frustration, all the calm, the mellows, the little joys, the lessons and revelations life brings me.

And I'd share it with, well, everyone.

I would have started making my videos on YouTube a looong time ago... if it were that easy.

I'll admit it, just this once.

I'm soft.

No, seriously. I'm afraid of criticism. Being on camera is scary, because my expectations are really high for myself and I feel like I'd never do good enough and I'm not pretty enough and my image would be "Hipster-like Individualistic Awkward Weirdo" and no one would like that so I'd just look like an awkward lonely fool on camera.

And my all work would live on the Internet, forever, to shame me forever.

But enough of my insecurities.

If I were to get rid of all those insecurities, the one main concerning thing would be:
would I ever get my old life back?
Would I want to?

I guess I'm just afraid of change.
Or at least not knowing what could or could not happen, were I to pursue a music career as a full-time thing.

There's a lot to be done, and I'm almost 18. I mean, I feel a bit old to start getting experience but it never really IS too late to try, is it?

I'd have to learn how to actually read sheet music, to begin with.
(I know, embarrassing.)
And play at least two instruments.
Likely piano. Or maybe guitar. Saxophone. Violin. Cello. Xylophone.
...Triangle?
I'd like to take Music Theory and History of Music. Just load myself with anything even remotely related to music (and maybe dance, too. I love dance. And drama. DAMMIT Novice, make up your mind.)

But then, I'd also have to start mingling with people to get myself out there and know "all the right people in all the right place" AND PEOPLE SCARE ME I'M SO SHY (and especially afraid of rejection) DESPITE MY WEIRDO COULDN'T-GIVE-A-DAMN EXTERIOR I AM SO AWKWARD
Asdfhhjlanabxbsjxj

T.T

And where would the line between pastime and profession be at? What would the pressures of having to produce be?
I mean, music will always be a love for me but I'm afraid of losing the spark, ya know?

Would I even be a solo act? Or do I want to be with people?

Indecision, that is my middle name.
(My first name is, of course, Jojo Tiddlywinks.)

I would definitely donate a large portion of profits to various charities and select people who help me out and are just my friends because they have been my friends (BECAUSE WHY NOT)

But I don't want to become stuffy and snooty and name charity organizations after myself. That's gross.

Despite all my worries and  insecurities, becoming an artist sounds like a lot of work and fun and awesome and exciting

Wyejsbasfjsksbansixns
Babies. Nom.

Anyways, I think I'm staring to make less sense, and it's 1:13 in the AM, and I'm going back and editing because it got really weird, so I should at least pretend to sleep now.

*When I go into the music scene (if I ever do put these wishes to work instead of dwelling on dreams) I promise you I will remember you and keep you close to my heart and soul.

Signing off for the night
(or morning, whatevs)

-ExperiencedNovice

I Don't Like You

a generic free-verse love-in-denial poem

I don't like you.
I don't like the way you smile.
I don't love your smirks and the way
the corners of your eyes crinkle when you laugh at me.
I don't love making you laugh.
I don't think about you a lot.
Not on my way to school.
Not right before we go to class.
Not when your presence clouds me
Like a velvety blanket of warmth and comfort.
Nope.

I don't like you.
I don't like the way you walk down the hallway.
I don't like how you seem so strong, how you stand tall above all the others;
Yet I know that you have your weak moments
And inside, you can be as weak as I am.
I don't like that you can hold strong on the outside.
I don't like that.
Nope.

I don't like the way you make me feel.
I don't like it when you notice when I'm gone, when you talk to me when I'm here, when you give me space when I need it.
I don't like being comfortable but nervous around you.
I don't like not liking the feeling of knowing that I might like you.
I don't like it.
I don't like you.

I don't.

...I can't.

No.

NOTES:
So yeah. Idk. This is about no one... in particular... Or is it? (HAHA NOW YOU'RE CONFUSED)

P.s. It's not.
P.p.s. It is.
P.p.p.s. Are you still reading?
P.p.p.p.s It's definitely about you.

Bleh. Teenage feels give me inspiration.
Derp.

Thoughts on Girl-Crushing and Sexuality

So I was having a talk with one of my good friends, and he briefly mentioned someone.

We'll call her Lynn.

Now Lynn and I have been semi-friends for a long time now. Not semi because we are "on and off" friends or anything. Only because I know her well, but not too well.

Anyways. Another of my friends Cathy has been good friends (I don't know how close they are but I'd say they're definitely closer than Lynn and I are) with Lynn for a while, and when I first heard her talk about Lynn, I'll be honest, I was jealous. The way she talked about her, the way everything she did was great and funny and cute, made me feel like I could never be as good as her.

And when I actually met her, wow... She was like me. What I am known for (or at least hope I am known for) is my weird randomness, and a few people say I can be cute (as in squeaky little thing cute, not attractive cute). But she was all this and more. She was pretty. Cute. Attractive, pretty, cute. Spunky. Likeable by everyone, or at least I thought so. She was this charismatic ball of sunshine and I couldn't help but "fall in love" with her as Cathy had. She was the perfect friend for Cathy, and suddenly I felt inadequate.

And in my tendency to temporarily obsess over new friends, I couldn't help but want to hang out with her and take in that charismatic aura she radiated and hopefully become more like her myself.

But is wasn't as simple as that. I thought she was really cute. Really.But was she CUTE cute? Or was I just really amazed by her in a neutral, non-romantic way?

I'm not sure.

I liked her quirks.
Her giggles. Her random noises. The things she made and the way she did her hair differently and how it always looked nice.

But in the same way I liked a guy's laughs, a guy's quirkiness, and his appearance?

I'm not sure.

I could imagine myself spending time with her, holding her hand, snuggling into her neck and holding her, but not being a deep and serious couple like I could with this other guy I really liked.

I thought what it would be like, though.

But when I thought about it, it didn't really give me the butterflies like it did with that other guy.

So why was I so obsessed? Was it jealousy that made me like her so much, like something twisted from the Black Swan where the prima ballerina seduces the ex-top dancer with her perfection?

I don't know.

And it's happened with one or two other girls too.

But I thought about it. There's only been one or two girls I've crushed on like that, and I ended up not liking them like that at all after a while.

As opposed to guys I've liked... I don't completely stop liking them. Unless they kick puppies. Even then... Kidding. (or am I?)

I figured that if were really bisexual, I wouldn't have to reason my way into liking girls like it came naturally with guys.

Final answer: So as of now (and what it seems like it will remain being) I'm straight, and maybe just a bit bi-romantic, if that makes sense.

Bleh.

I'm just a really lame and cheesy, cliché-loving blob of hidden sappiness with average human issues.

Love to hate me or hate to love me.

Gender doesn't matter to me when showing people I care about that I love them.

I can want to give a girl or a guy a love note saying how awesome they are for being them.

I'm the kind of person who loves physical contact as a means of expression (although I will admit it's awkward with certain people for no reason like I just can't-). It's easier and more comfortable that way to get emotions across.

And sometimes (sorry to make you paranoid that I might be secretly enjoying your hugs a little too much) I'll wonder if I love you as a friend or as something more.

...I guess I'm still going to be curious for a while.

I hope you understand this.

Or at least respect it.

You'll still love me, won't you?

Just.. Maybe not that way back.

Whatevs. I'm forever alone either way. :P

blergh im so fulll

i have no clue what im doing but hellloooo strangers
im bored
like really bored
like so bored im doing this for no reason
so bored ive abandoned my old grammarnazi ways
and am just
type
type
typing away
woohoo
im full
i just ate dinner
THATS RIGHT DINNER
thanksgiving dinner
mershed perterters
grerver
terker
early
im so full
blehhhhh
text me jerks.

Letter to whoever

I just want peace.

Is that so much to ask for?

I just want a normal life, with weirdness on the side. I want to be able to count on my dad whenever I need his support and for him to be able to trust me and to be able to let me go just a little more. I want to be able to go to school and not incessantly worry about illogical and unlikely things.

I had someone. I lost them. I'm still trying to move on.

I want to be able to have something stable in my life for once. I mean, that's pretty difficult as is for a female teenager, but STILL. Come on, life.

I want good grades. I want to stop comparing myself to my friends with better grades. I want to take peoples' advice and invite people over to my house BUT I'M SO FREAKIN' EMBARRASSED to.

afsldjfhkajsdhfkjewkah BAH.

I want to have money to be able to buy my friends presents for their birthdays and chrismahannukwanzaa presents and be able to buy things I want but then that might make me spoiled and

bleh

random llama.

idk here

I'm not sure why I'm doing this but HERE
i felt like this was necessary
you'll get it if you're the person this was intended for

Florence + The Machine

Time for Tips

Whoa. Last week has been really stressful. I've learned a lot. Really, a LOT. About myself, about relationships, about life.

Someone told me something pretty big. And of course, I got upset. But you know what? Despite the fact that it made me sad, there are a lot of good things that came out of it.

I realize what I was doing was affecting the people around me. I'll be honest, I had given up for a while (as noted in the overwhelming amount of negative and fluctuating posts) and I was tired. I mean I'm tired and stressed right now again, but that's besides the point. Life is an ongoing struggle. Hush, hush.

Anyways. Last week opened my eyes, and overall, this week... has been better.

Here are things I've learned this week:

1. No matter how bleak things seem and how lonely you feel, there IS or WILL BE someone out there for you. They could be found in the unlikeliest of places or right under your nose.
2. Bad things WILL happen. This is a given. But you get right back up again and hope for better days. It sucks, whatever. Don't continue being upset by it. What you're unhappy about, change. And what is unchangeable, work to make the best of it.
3. Look and find lessons in everything.
4. You are not perfect. Everyone has one flaw or two. Or many. But don't hate yourself for it. Don't put yourself down after making a mistake. For who has ever said "I learned so much" by being continuously successful? There is no room for improvement if you are already at the top.

Anyways... that's my not-so-random thoughts for now.

Your unconditional lover, Experienced Novice ♥

Hostess, GONE.

you've probably heard the news.

Hostess Brands is Closed.We are sorry to announce that Hostess Brands, Inc. has been forced by a Bakers Union strike to shut down all operations and sell all company assets. For more information, go to hostessbrands.info. Thank you for all of your loyalty and support over the years.

HOSTESS BRANDS TO WIND DOWN COMPANY AFTER BCTGM UNION STRIKE CRIPPLES OPERATIONS
Friday, November 16, 2012 at 7:00AM
Irving, TX – November 16, 2012 – Hostess Brands Inc. today announced that it is winding down operations and has filed a motion with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court seeking permission to close its business and sell its assets, including its iconic brands and facilities. Bakery operations have been suspended at all plants. Delivery of products will continue and Hostess Brands retail stores will remain open for several days in order to sell already-baked products.
The Board of Directors authorized the wind down of Hostess Brands to preserve and maximize the value of the estate after one of the Company’s largest unions, the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union (BCTGM), initiated a nationwide strike that crippled the Company’s ability to produce and deliver products at multiple facilities.
On Nov. 12, Hostess Brands permanently closed three plants as a result of the work stoppage. On Nov. 14, the Company announced it would be forced to liquidate if sufficient employees did not return to work to restore normal operations by 5 p.m., EST p.m., Nov. 15. The Company determined on the night of Nov. 15 that an insufficient number of employees had returned to work to enable the restoration of normal operations.
The BCTGM in September rejected a last, best and final offer from Hostess Brands designed to lower costs so that the Company could attract new financing and emerge from Chapter 11. Hostess Brands then received Court authority on Oct. 3 to unilaterally impose changes to the BCTGM’s collective bargaining agreements.
Hostess Brands is unprofitable under its current cost structure, much of which is determined by union wages and pension costs. The offer to the BCTGM included wage, benefit and work rule concessions but also gave Hostess Brands’ 12 unions a 25 percent ownership stake in the company, representation on its Board of Directors and $100 million in reorganized Hostess Brands’ debt.
“We deeply regret the necessity of today’s decision, but we do not have the financial resources to weather an extended nationwide strike,” said Gregory F. Rayburn, chief executive officer. “Hostess Brands will move promptly to lay off most of its 18,500-member workforce and focus on selling its assets to the highest bidders.”
In addition to dozens of baking and distribution facilities around the country, Hostess Brands will sell its popular brands, including Hostess®, Drakes® and Dolly Madison®, which make iconic cake products such as Twinkies®, CupCakes, Ding Dongs®, Ho Ho’s®, Sno Balls® and Donettes®. Bread brands to be sold include Wonder®, Nature’s Pride ®, Merita®, Home Pride®, Butternut®, and Beefsteak®, among others.
The wind down means the closure of 33 bakeries, 565 distribution centers, approximately 5,500 delivery routes and 570 bakery outlet stores throughout the United States.
The Company said its debtor-in-possession lenders have agreed to allow the Company to continue to have access to the $75 million financing facility put in place at the start of the bankruptcy cases to fund the sale and wind down process, subject to U.S. Bankruptcy Court approval.
The Company’s motion asks the Court for authority to continue to pay employees whose services are required during the wind-down period.
For employees whose jobs will be eliminated, additional information can be found at hostessbrands.info . The website also contains information for customers and vendors. Most employees who lose their jobs should be eligible for government-provided unemployment benefits.

Upon seeing this, my eyes watered. Denial, nostalgia, and pity crept in as the thoughts that one of my parents' (and my) favorite snacks would be going out of business. How to break the news to them? That a part of their childhood would be gone? My mother responded by telling me a sweet story about how her mother (my grandmother) would tell her to go to the store and purchase bread. What kind? Wonder Bread, always, of course.



And she had fond memories of school lunches and being proud of herself for (literally) bringing the bread home. And my father recalled having Twinkies as a favorite snack as a child and still enjoys them quite often to this day.

Immediately afterwards we decided to go on a scavenger hunt to find the elusive Twinkies, and after traveling from store to store and finding empty shelves (as if were some sort of hurricane coming, pshh), we were informed that they were all gone and they would not be bringing any more out.

And so the tragic story ends abruptly.

Except not really. I mean on one hand I'm upset, that yes, an American icon is likely going away, but on the other hand... maybe it's good that we're ridding ourselves of this sugary snack?

Although there are definitely much worse things we can get rid of...

Anyways... yeah.








however, you can click on the news. And while Hostess may not be opening up their factories anytime soon, it seems like the beloved famous snacks (mainly Twinkies and Cup Cakes) are going to be purchased and manufactured by other companies. (possibly. my information might not be up-to-date)

8 Hostess Treats You Can Still Make at Home

Twitter Mourns Twinkies: 140 Cream-Filled Characters of Sadness

Starting Ebay Bid for a Single Twinkie Is $5,000

Don't worry, Twinkies will survive - The Term Sheet: Fortune's deals blog Term Sheet

Hope for Twinkies as Hostess, union go to mediation - CBS News

Seeking The Path: Dear Friend

This girl that blogs interesting things:
Seeking The Path: Dear Friend: To be honest with you, I am not really graced with social skills. It's been hard for me to make friends, to learn to trust people. There are...

You saw it coming.

Guys... I have something serious to talk about...
I'm really sorry to do this but...

You know, I can't help but share this with you.
I'm...

Alone

The point of this blog is to sometimes rant (sorry) so here is one.

So... I'm bored.. doing H.W...

Here are words that my phone makes when I Swype random shapes on the keyboard.

icky begin common feign stock thump grub second inhibits artisan remote ruby identify thrifty singular thief inch refund tint place scroll eskimo doors red you ease jug counterpoints egg disbelief

Okay I'm done.

Missed Tuesday quote

11/6/2012 was Tuesday, and Tuesday means quotes.

"I don't want to walk anymore. Just leave me here with some food, a little water... Some chips if you have 'em."
-Experienced Novice

Caught in the middle

It gets worse before it gets better

Well I went to the clinic today to see a psychiatrist about my seizures, and I complained to him that maybeperhaps the pills he put me on were doing me more harm than good.

I hate NaNoWriMo

Oh, NaNo, how I doth detest thee with a fiery burn from the pits of my soul.

I try to write something... and how terrible it is that such a tormented and creative mind cannot simply spew words onto a virtual sheet of paper and be satisfied with them.

I have written about 500 words and deleted all of them.

I am frustated.

Just sharing things

I found these. They're funny.

Happy Halloween

Teenager Posts

Teenager posts, in rainbow form. Because COLORS.































































last but not least...