the life of michelle: Alone

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Alone

The point of this blog is to sometimes rant (sorry) so here is one.
I'm done waiting for you.
I'm done waiting for my so-called friends to take the initiative.
They never will.
They might not be the type.
They might be busy.
But if I mattered, if I were of importance...
If I were even a small fucking blip on their friend radar...
They could make some time out of their own fucking life to text a simple "hi".
If they're so bored or lonely or just need company to accomodate their own stupid selfish needs...
Then I'd be pretty okay with being used in that case.
But I'm not.
And I won't be.
I'm tired of always being the first one to call. To email. To text. To start a chat.
To think about them more than they think of me.
I'm tired of bitching at them to plan something with me, to invite me to their plans and guilt them into asking for forgiveness and then the next week forget about it.
I know I can't do much.
I know I'm usually not allowed.
But hey, the thought that you thought of me, despite the fact that you know I likely won't be able to go is nice.
...Maybe I really am alone.
As of now, there's only two people I can count on.
And it sure as hell isn't the people I'd have expected.

1 comment:

Nikki PNovember 17, 2012 at 10:05 AM
Greetings! This is just a girl-to-girl thing, but tbh I used to have these exact feelings. It felt like I was being buried every day. When I took up taekwondo, however, I somehow found peace. See, I made a bunch of friends with the people who regularly go to the school. Since they were also quite busy, I took it upon myself to organize events. I'm also a pretty busy person, so I waited until summer break to throw a taekwondo end-of-the-school-year party. I guess because I invited all these people to my house, we became really close since we were able to hang out and kid around together.

I don't know how different your experience may be, but in mine, I learned that it was my fault for feeling so lonely all the time--I wasn't truly happy until I extended the invitation. And I discovered that I rather enjoy being the "instigator."

Just wanted to share that with you... I hope it's helpful... And I'll be praying for you too :)
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I'M LONELY. You don't even have to sign in as anyone, you could troll the heck out of this blog if you really want to. Even if your comments are irrelevant or you start a comment war with yourself I don't mind.

I'd love to hear from you!

Song Quotes

"We'll all float on."
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love. Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say."
"And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day... kinda counted on you being a friend. Can I give it up or give it away? Now I thought about what I wanna say, but I never really know where to go so I chained myself to a friend, 'cause I know it unlocks like a door."
"My gears, they grind more each day, and I feel like they're gonna grind away. And the city blocks, they drive me wild, they're never ending, mile after mile. I just don't know what to do, I'm too afraid to love you."
"It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.."
"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you'll try."
"I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop."
"We all need somebody to lean on."
"Someday, I will be strong enough to lift not one, but both of us."
"Nothin' lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change."
"I took my love down to violet hill... There we sat in snow. All that time she was silent still, said 'If you love me, won't you let me know?'"
"Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?"
"If you're lost you can look and you will find me... time after time. If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting... time after time."
"If every second counts on a clock that's tickin', gotta live like we're dying."
"At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself, talking to the moon... trying to get to you. In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.. Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon?"
"Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing.... you are perfect... to me."
"I want love to roll me over slowly, stick a knife inside me, and twist it all around. I want love to grab my fingers gently, slam them in a doorway, put my face into the ground."
"But I'm a freak, I'm a weirdo... What the hell am I doing here?!? I don't belong here..."
"You use your heart as a weapon, and it hurts like heaven."
"I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile. And she will be loved..."