the life of michelle: May 2016

Monday, May 30, 2016

part one

Being in love is weird.

I've always thought I'd understand it. I've considered myself to have been in love a few times, but always when it falls out, I question if I had ever been in love at all.

But everything is love now. Because of loving you, I love everything more now. Everything I've been through to get me here, has brought me to you. Every success, every lesson, every failure, every tragedy. My mind couldn't conceive something as beautiful as what we were to become.

I have a blank canvas in front of me now, and yet all the paints I own could never portray the feelings you give me when you call me by name. When you spend your time kissing every inch of my skin, there's a stage in my head and it's you and I, front and center. Holding hands. It's a light show in my heart.

Being in love is insanity, and yet everything makes sense.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Rhythm

Tumblr has been enough for a while, but I remembered I have this. I haven't reread any of my old posts since the last time I posted on here, but I probably will soon. Not yet, though. I was working two jobs for a while, got fired for reasons I found unfair. I was unprepared, but at least I was able to work there in the first place. That's all I needed.

I have experienced a lot, in the sense of relationships and work life. I still know nothing about what I want, but I've finally been doing better at living my life day by day. I don't have my therapist anymore and I've been managing. I'm listening to The Life of Pablo, probably will listen to some ANTI, and then King Gizzard later and check out some of the rest of music my boyfriend has introduced to me. Trap and chillstep is really good lately, as are concept albums. I started collecting CD's and found some Rilo Kiley and Fleetwood Mac and I dug those for a while.

I'm finding myself really liking this guy. We haven't really known each other for a long time, but after a long period of being unattached to people in general, using them as sources of entertainment and for my own fantasies then pushing them away, I actually want his company. He goes along with my antics and embraces my playfulness, he gives me the tenderness I need. I was worried this would all be superficial, but it's been a steadily and unfurling process. I feel more comfortable now.

I feel more comfortable now.
I feel more comfortable now.
I feel more comfortable now.

Song Quotes

"We'll all float on."
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love. Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say."
"And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day... kinda counted on you being a friend. Can I give it up or give it away? Now I thought about what I wanna say, but I never really know where to go so I chained myself to a friend, 'cause I know it unlocks like a door."
"My gears, they grind more each day, and I feel like they're gonna grind away. And the city blocks, they drive me wild, they're never ending, mile after mile. I just don't know what to do, I'm too afraid to love you."
"It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.."
"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you'll try."
"I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop."
"We all need somebody to lean on."
"Someday, I will be strong enough to lift not one, but both of us."
"Nothin' lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change."
"I took my love down to violet hill... There we sat in snow. All that time she was silent still, said 'If you love me, won't you let me know?'"
"Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?"
"If you're lost you can look and you will find me... time after time. If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting... time after time."
"If every second counts on a clock that's tickin', gotta live like we're dying."
"At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself, talking to the moon... trying to get to you. In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.. Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon?"
"Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing.... you are perfect... to me."
"I want love to roll me over slowly, stick a knife inside me, and twist it all around. I want love to grab my fingers gently, slam them in a doorway, put my face into the ground."
"But I'm a freak, I'm a weirdo... What the hell am I doing here?!? I don't belong here..."
"You use your heart as a weapon, and it hurts like heaven."
"I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile. And she will be loved..."