the life of michelle: Thoughts After Assembly

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Thoughts After Assembly

Hi all! just about to shower in a few and head to bed, I just wrote a bit of thoughts about today before it is over. hope my cheesy Senior thoughts don't sound too generic:

holy shit so much money for everything and I still have to take my SATs and ACTs and start writing college applications I have no clue where I'm going lol wtf

I feel so hopeful, like this year is the year where it all pays off, but at the same time I am so very fearful and unsure of this dense fog I'm about to walk into and whether I'll be okay

I hope I can somehow do everything I want to do, (edit: or at least the ones that matter most to me) or else I'm going to cry because my family's financial issues have ruined things for me before :(
I don't want to spend ridiculous amounts of money, I want to just cover the basics and be able to do all the things that pertain to Senior year that dont sound like an awful time nor are overpriced.

On the other hand, someone(people?) surprised me with a really nice thing and I feel awkward accepting it but I guess I should because I have no other way of going about it

I really want to do something with friends after prom like go to the beach or whatever, but let's make a bet: how many of my friends will be able to stay out that late and will my own parents even let me? I'm going to be 18 by then... I wish they could understand I'm not going to get wasted at some druggie afterparty or whatever, that's not my style lol

I'm not expecting to get asked but it would be a pleasant surprise if I did by someone who I liked enough as a friend or crush or idk :S

I've shouldnt expect too much and instead let myself be surprised by whatever small things do happen

But man... I want to get closer to everyone I care about before everything changes. I'd rather cry a dozen nights over being physically separated from those I care about than feel nothing over anyone and be emotionally distant from people I've grown with

Goddamnit I'm going to cry again.

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Song Quotes

"We'll all float on."
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love. Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say."
"And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day... kinda counted on you being a friend. Can I give it up or give it away? Now I thought about what I wanna say, but I never really know where to go so I chained myself to a friend, 'cause I know it unlocks like a door."
"My gears, they grind more each day, and I feel like they're gonna grind away. And the city blocks, they drive me wild, they're never ending, mile after mile. I just don't know what to do, I'm too afraid to love you."
"It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.."
"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you'll try."
"I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop."
"We all need somebody to lean on."
"Someday, I will be strong enough to lift not one, but both of us."
"Nothin' lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change."
"I took my love down to violet hill... There we sat in snow. All that time she was silent still, said 'If you love me, won't you let me know?'"
"Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?"
"If you're lost you can look and you will find me... time after time. If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting... time after time."
"If every second counts on a clock that's tickin', gotta live like we're dying."
"At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself, talking to the moon... trying to get to you. In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.. Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon?"
"Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing.... you are perfect... to me."
"I want love to roll me over slowly, stick a knife inside me, and twist it all around. I want love to grab my fingers gently, slam them in a doorway, put my face into the ground."
"But I'm a freak, I'm a weirdo... What the hell am I doing here?!? I don't belong here..."
"You use your heart as a weapon, and it hurts like heaven."
"I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile. And she will be loved..."