creative writing class + a muse

an offer under terms

I am not the shining sun
Some days I'll dim and go dark
I just am a flickering flame
Here waiting for your spark

I am not the sweetest taste
My name can be bitter or tart
It will leave your lips with great pain
A drug with which you cannot part

I have not the brightest eyes
My hair is mousy, messy, and dry
The consequences of many sleepless nights
Of times when I needed to cry

I have not the whitest smile
Nor the most even complexion
I have just thoughts and words worthwhile
And will give you my affection.

An occurrence that will not be described in detail on here

[Crude language warning]

thought: Hah ah ahahahaha when guys think you owe them???? I can owe you money if I borrowed it and I can even owe you a new phone if I broke it but bodies can't owe you anything sorry my genitals and undergarments arent yours

hate the player and the game, cause you keep striking out my dear."

I was originally considering not writing anything about what happened a while ago... and I won't, not now or ever, likely. But I do have a lesson, or at least an opinion related to this. I am doing just fine, btw.

If you ever think anyone owes you anything sexually, you're wrong. A person's body is theirs to control and use to their will. It is only okay to get something from that body if there is mutual agreement/consent in addition to sobriety (in most cases) no matter how much you want them or how much they seem like they want you. Don't move before knowing for sure!!! Some people, (like myself) simply enjoy being a flirt or a tease and you can't assume anything other than "they like to flirt".

You shouldn't feel ashamed in flirting with someone, no matter how you do it, and you shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. Of course, you should know your risks and assess what you're getting into, and know yourself first before doing something that isn't you. Let them call you a virgin (it isn't even an insult, it's like saying "gay"), let them teasingly call you "mean", let them tell you that you're an ass/(son of a) bitch. It doesn't mean shit. It's not exemplary behavior according to most societies, but you shouldn't be damned or guilted for your actions.

Once you learn to make decisions and own up to what they may bring, once you know that you can do things in moderation or before you hit your limit, you are an adult.

Go and be happy.

Thoughts After Assembly

Hi all! just about to shower in a few and head to bed, I just wrote a bit of thoughts about today before it is over. hope my cheesy Senior thoughts don't sound too generic:

holy shit so much money for everything and I still have to take my SATs and ACTs and start writing college applications I have no clue where I'm going lol wtf

I feel so hopeful, like this year is the year where it all pays off, but at the same time I am so very fearful and unsure of this dense fog I'm about to walk into and whether I'll be okay

I hope I can somehow do everything I want to do, (edit: or at least the ones that matter most to me) or else I'm going to cry because my family's financial issues have ruined things for me before :(
I don't want to spend ridiculous amounts of money, I want to just cover the basics and be able to do all the things that pertain to Senior year that dont sound like an awful time nor are overpriced.

On the other hand, someone(people?) surprised me with a really nice thing and I feel awkward accepting it but I guess I should because I have no other way of going about it

I really want to do something with friends after prom like go to the beach or whatever, but let's make a bet: how many of my friends will be able to stay out that late and will my own parents even let me? I'm going to be 18 by then... I wish they could understand I'm not going to get wasted at some druggie afterparty or whatever, that's not my style lol

I'm not expecting to get asked but it would be a pleasant surprise if I did by someone who I liked enough as a friend or crush or idk :S

I've shouldnt expect too much and instead let myself be surprised by whatever small things do happen

But man... I want to get closer to everyone I care about before everything changes. I'd rather cry a dozen nights over being physically separated from those I care about than feel nothing over anyone and be emotionally distant from people I've grown with

Goddamnit I'm going to cry again.

Liebster Award [edited]

So a blogging bud of mine nominated me for the Liebster Award. To be honest, I had no clue what it was, so when I read it I was like, "*gasp!*  wow, me? how exciting!" only to be disappointed to find out that it's sort of like a chain thing that bloggers do. But no worries, I think I'll do it either way. Here are the rules, according to most bloggers that are a part of this:

Tell your readers 11 facts about yourself.
Answer 11 questions asked by your nominator.
Nominate other bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to receive this award and make 11 questions that they have to answer.
Tell them that would have nominated them!

I was nominated by Scooby from Nonsense of the World, so check that kid's blog out if you wanna!

Anyways, 11 facts about me! (if you didn't know them already)

1. I have a face. sorry, i had to be a smart-aleck
2. I like biking.
3. I wish I could have lots of pets, although, it's not very realistic. (animals like cats, dogs, hedgehogs, rabbits, snakes, etc.)
4. The only pets I've had are parakeets (when I was a lot younger), turtles (like these), and fish (lots of fish, since they die so quickly)
5. I'm a  S E N I O R  now! (and I'll continue to say so until it gets old or until I graduate)
6. Like the person who tagged me, I really wish I were more of a gamer/reader/overall nerdy girl.
7. I want to learn how to play the piano, maybe the guitar, violin, and the harp.
8. Also, the cello is a very sexy instrument. (the sound it makes is one of my favorites, I mean)
9. Like my voice. (I'm a singer??)
10. I am learning German right now.
11. I only started listening to music by entire albums just recently. Previously, I'd discover music through YouTube exploring and individual tracks, not albums. This explains my wide taste and love for songs.

Now, for the questions I was given!

If you could be any ice cream flavor what flavor would you be? (Keep in mind that the tastier you are the more likely you are to be eaten)
I would probably be chocolate with chocolate chips in it. Cause it's creamy, and it's my favorite flavor. Plus, chocolate on chocolate, man. Am I tasty yet? ;)

What is your favorite smell?
Shooooot I have a lot of favorite smells. here are some of them (both weird and not):

• old books
• cookies baking
• cannabis (even though I don't smoke it, I've been exposed to it a few times, and have learned to like the smell)
• Kitchen Lemon™
• the colognes of certain people
• the natural smell of some people's houses (you know that smell that isn't a food or a perfume smell? like the one that just.. IS? idk how to explain it)
• baby powder
• the warm blood of my ene- i mean dark chocolate

What is your pick-me-up? So what do you do/eat/whatever when you are feeling upset or sad to make yourself feel better?

I usually either do my nails (I might make a picture post compiling some of my favorite manis) or write passive agressive poems/ random blurbs of prose that would sounds cool in a book. Or I make something crafty or I eat whatever's available that is somewhat healthy.

Quick! What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear: marshmallow 

Marshmallow creme, because that's what I put on my fro-yo a few days ago.

If you were a super hero what would your weakness be?
Someone I love.

What is your favorite lyric from a song?
DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE (some of my favorites are on the side of my blog.... that reminds me, I'm gonna add some more soon...)

Favorite thing to do on an extremely hot summer day.
Stay indoors, or go swimming.

If you could create the name for the color of a crayon what would it be?Ooh! This is a fun one! I want to make more than one!!!
Aliens Probably Aren't Green
Angry Child's Cheeks

Citrus Snack

Drown Me In the Atlantic

Enemies Annihilated
I Unfortunately Still Love You

In the Forest

Jake From State Farm

Let's Have a Tea Party

My Butt Hurts But the Food Was Worth It

NOTICE ME

Perfect Banana

What Kind of Pink Am I

(I might've gone too far but this is one of my new favorite things now)

What is something you don't understand about the world (it can be anything you want).
Why love graces some more than others. What a jerk love is, man.

What is your favorite planet? (For purposes of my questions we are going to say that Pluto is a planet since it's my favorite so if you want to choose Pluto you can!).
Earth is my homie G so yeah Earth (also, I didn't want to hurt its feelings and it's kinda the place I'll spend the rest of my life on, most likely)

Explain your hopes for your blog in two sentences. 
I hope that I can save/influence/change some lives for the better with this blog, at least once person, a little bit. I also want this to still be here when (if?) I have grandkids, so I can show them that Old Me was once (kinda) like them, and that I (maybe) found love despite all the craziness.

I nominate whoever follows me! Some of those blogs are private, but feel free to do them either way?
I give you these questions:

1. How many letters does your full name have?
2. What name would you want if you could give yourself any name, no matter how "unique"?
3. What are your favorite smells?
4. What would your last meal consist of?
5. How have your views on life changed from 10 years ago to now?
6. Would you ever sacrifice yourself for someone? Be honest. Who? (you don't have to say specifically who)
7. Describe yourself using only colors and verbs.
8. What question will never be answered? (open to interpretation)
9. What kind of stuff makes you laugh?
10. Cold or hot day? What would you do on that day?
11. Do you want to get married?

I'm back, I think?

Hello! With the school year of 2013-2014 starting next Monday, I think it's safe to say I will be on here more often, now that I'll need an outlet for all the stress of Senior Year.

So.. hi?

Too much tumblr

Sorry I haven't been writing a lot lately. I assure you I will try to sometime before Thursday of this upcoming week. I will be busy then. Also, if there have been any comments on here, I haven't read them. I havent had a proper computer in a while.