senior updates

Hello!

Senior year is hectic y'all. Does anyone read this?
Guess whose hair is no longer falling out at its usual rate?
Guess who's finally auditioning for her very first (and last) musical (and play)?
Guess who's on the border of failing Calculus?
Guess who's gained 3 pounds since the start of the school year? (keep in mind, I don't gain/lose weight easily)
Guess who can't apply for college due to complicated reasons?

ME!

But you know what? I guess I'm not doing this for myself, really... but I'm going to try to get through Senior year, even if I barely make it.

super cool tumblr stuff

A compilation of some of my favorite things from Tumblr this month.

Mark Dorf

http://gnumblr.tumblr.com

Perfect pictures for an imperfect world.

super cool.

wow

NYCHOS

KiDMOGR∆PH

Sand, under a 250x microscope

how popcorn pops

Javier Perez: En Puntas

Same Pinup Girl Drawn in 15 Very Different Situations «TwistedSifter

"Her Memories of a Dream" featuring Minori

100 days left!

Alright, so I've made TONS of to-do lists before, some left unpublished, but I'm going to try and take this one seriously, as I turn 18 in 100 days! Some things will be crossed off, as I've already done them from my previous "bucket" lists. I'll come back and add things too!

100 days left of being a minor... weird...

UPDATED 3/16/2014 (hey... i just now remembered to come back to this, okay?)

1. Stay up for 24 hours.
2. Sit on a roof.
3. Go to see a movie with friends. (I never go to the theater because it's so expensive ughghg)
4. Fix my room up.
5. Make a list.
6. Get straight C's or higher on a report card. (it's quite difficult for me to do this nowadays)
7. Have a yard sale. (I definitely could use some cash.)
8. Watch a sunrise and a sunset on the same day.
9. Wear a dress shirt, dress pants, and tie when/(if) I go out. (crossdressing, my fave.) hell yeah
10. Skip school for a day and go out with the 'rents.
11. Go somewhere new (to me) in the city.
12. Dye my hair.  dark purple!
13. Write a secret letter to someone.
14. Read a coming of age novel.
15. Read something from my "to read" list. Q and A by Vikas Swarup. the inspiration for Slumdog Millionaire!
16. Watch something from my "to watch" list.
17. Draw something inspired by a book or movie. I started a drawing of Walter White from Breaking  Bad! I'll upload it when (if) I'm done!
18. Write a short story. (which, by the way, I should be doing a lot more of since I'm in creative writing -_-)
19. Use a fake accent at a restaurant. I used a fake name, is that close enough? No? I'll do it!
20. Be in a magazine. (I made an appearance in my city's magazine this month!)
21. Try a new dish/dessert. (...okay, so I already did this one too. Popping boba, anyone?)
22. Go to a homecoming game. (Even if you're not a big sports person, this is fun to do with friends.)
23. Set off fireworks.
24. Find a new band to add to my favorites.
25. Take the county bus and visit another town.
26. Invite someone to my house. (doesn't happen often) MY FRIENDS CAME OVER, MOST FOR THE FIRST TIME, ON MY 18TH BIRTHDAY! YEEEE!!!!
27. Sleep in just underwear. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)‎
28. Create a new dish.
29. Make a new acquaintance.
30. Bring in sweets to share with friends at school my lemon bars are yummy, they tell me. :)
31. Be called something affectionate by someone who isn't my mom or dating me. On the contrary, I should call others cute things more often!
32. Go for a walk around the city.
33. Buy something fancy.
34. Go to dinner with friends.
35. Dress up for Halloween. pirate's life for me
36. Learn to parallel park.
37. Bake myself a cool cake for my 18th birthday!!! (not completed, but it's too late now lol) I don't think we even had cake, but we did cut a giant gummy bear into pieces!

for twenty-year-olds who have never been loved

By the way this is important to me, and it is a wonderful piece of writing. This is one of few things that makes me cry every single time I read it.

All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack. 

This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, thatuninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth? 

The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen. 

At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours. 

Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.
But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting. 

The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate. 

They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole. 

And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.

source: http://writingsforwinter.tumblr.com/post/54484155702/for-twenty-year-olds-who-have-never-been-loved

It gives me great hope and I hope you like it.

yet another big rant/feelings sesh/thing

Of burdens and bees

It's funny.. In English class we've learnt that bees and flowers are symbolic of sex and love and whatnot. So I'm sitting on my front porch thinking about lost loves and loves that never were, and out of the corner of my eye I spot a bee that just keeps flying into the wall. This has been going on for a while now.

I can relate, little bee. I can relate.

Kittens

I went to the Pet Store today.

CNN Student News

Very frustrate
Very sad

So I take pictures to feel better

The Letter that Scared Us All

I fucking hate everything. How about I just don't exist? My family doesn't either. I'll start over new. How nice would that be. I'm paying for things I didn't even do. Maybe I deserve this, maybe I don't, maybe I deserve much worse. Land of the free, my ass. I'll be free when I'm dead.

what the heck??????

So I've apparently lost my entire following list? I can't remember most of the URLs I was following since I haven't checked this blog on a laptop in weeks, so I'm sorry!

If you have commented on my blog before or if I have commented on yours or you remember me following you, please notify me in the comments! I miss you all!

School struggles

The title says it all. I miss you, blog!

I Write Like...

Hi. In creative writing class, we've been doing a lot of cool stuff. Just want to share this website with you

http://iwl.me

where you can input any mass of text and it will analyze it for you and tell you what "famous" person you write like!

I have two people I write most like:

http://iwl.me/b/d7939cdb

http://iwl.me/b/31398c21

what are yours?

I want to move out. I am in pain.

I am the product of a woman and a man
Two Xes
A solid mold filling up the space between four white walls
A thing

I am the child of my parents
Four limbs that can do both terrible and great things, and have done both
A living being placed here by chance
A person

I am the human being who goes by the alias of ExperiencedNovice
Ten digits that type away what I know, what I don't know, what I can feel and what I don't feel
A composition of thoughts, memories, ideas; things seen, smelled, tasted, heard and touched
An evanescent being

creative writing class + a muse

an offer under terms

I am not the shining sun
Some days I'll dim and go dark
I just am a flickering flame
Here waiting for your spark

I am not the sweetest taste
My name can be bitter or tart
It will leave your lips with great pain
A drug with which you cannot part

I have not the brightest eyes
My hair is mousy, messy, and dry
The consequences of many sleepless nights
Of times when I needed to cry

I have not the whitest smile
Nor the most even complexion
I have just thoughts and words worthwhile
And will give you my affection.

An occurrence that will not be described in detail on here

[Crude language warning]

thought: Hah ah ahahahaha when guys think you owe them???? I can owe you money if I borrowed it and I can even owe you a new phone if I broke it but bodies can't owe you anything sorry my genitals and undergarments arent yours

hate the player and the game, cause you keep striking out my dear."

I was originally considering not writing anything about what happened a while ago... and I won't, not now or ever, likely. But I do have a lesson, or at least an opinion related to this. I am doing just fine, btw.

If you ever think anyone owes you anything sexually, you're wrong. A person's body is theirs to control and use to their will. It is only okay to get something from that body if there is mutual agreement/consent in addition to sobriety (in most cases) no matter how much you want them or how much they seem like they want you. Don't move before knowing for sure!!! Some people, (like myself) simply enjoy being a flirt or a tease and you can't assume anything other than "they like to flirt".

You shouldn't feel ashamed in flirting with someone, no matter how you do it, and you shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. Of course, you should know your risks and assess what you're getting into, and know yourself first before doing something that isn't you. Let them call you a virgin (it isn't even an insult, it's like saying "gay"), let them teasingly call you "mean", let them tell you that you're an ass/(son of a) bitch. It doesn't mean shit. It's not exemplary behavior according to most societies, but you shouldn't be damned or guilted for your actions.

Once you learn to make decisions and own up to what they may bring, once you know that you can do things in moderation or before you hit your limit, you are an adult.

Go and be happy.

Thoughts After Assembly

Hi all! just about to shower in a few and head to bed, I just wrote a bit of thoughts about today before it is over. hope my cheesy Senior thoughts don't sound too generic:

holy shit so much money for everything and I still have to take my SATs and ACTs and start writing college applications I have no clue where I'm going lol wtf

I feel so hopeful, like this year is the year where it all pays off, but at the same time I am so very fearful and unsure of this dense fog I'm about to walk into and whether I'll be okay

I hope I can somehow do everything I want to do, (edit: or at least the ones that matter most to me) or else I'm going to cry because my family's financial issues have ruined things for me before :(
I don't want to spend ridiculous amounts of money, I want to just cover the basics and be able to do all the things that pertain to Senior year that dont sound like an awful time nor are overpriced.

On the other hand, someone(people?) surprised me with a really nice thing and I feel awkward accepting it but I guess I should because I have no other way of going about it

I really want to do something with friends after prom like go to the beach or whatever, but let's make a bet: how many of my friends will be able to stay out that late and will my own parents even let me? I'm going to be 18 by then... I wish they could understand I'm not going to get wasted at some druggie afterparty or whatever, that's not my style lol

I'm not expecting to get asked but it would be a pleasant surprise if I did by someone who I liked enough as a friend or crush or idk :S

I've shouldnt expect too much and instead let myself be surprised by whatever small things do happen

But man... I want to get closer to everyone I care about before everything changes. I'd rather cry a dozen nights over being physically separated from those I care about than feel nothing over anyone and be emotionally distant from people I've grown with

Goddamnit I'm going to cry again.

Liebster Award [edited]

So a blogging bud of mine nominated me for the Liebster Award. To be honest, I had no clue what it was, so when I read it I was like, "*gasp!*  wow, me? how exciting!" only to be disappointed to find out that it's sort of like a chain thing that bloggers do. But no worries, I think I'll do it either way. Here are the rules, according to most bloggers that are a part of this:

Tell your readers 11 facts about yourself.
Answer 11 questions asked by your nominator.
Nominate other bloggers (with less than 200 followers) to receive this award and make 11 questions that they have to answer.
Tell them that would have nominated them!

I was nominated by Scooby from Nonsense of the World, so check that kid's blog out if you wanna!

Anyways, 11 facts about me! (if you didn't know them already)

1. I have a face. sorry, i had to be a smart-aleck
2. I like biking.
3. I wish I could have lots of pets, although, it's not very realistic. (animals like cats, dogs, hedgehogs, rabbits, snakes, etc.)
4. The only pets I've had are parakeets (when I was a lot younger), turtles (like these), and fish (lots of fish, since they die so quickly)
5. I'm a  S E N I O R  now! (and I'll continue to say so until it gets old or until I graduate)
6. Like the person who tagged me, I really wish I were more of a gamer/reader/overall nerdy girl.
7. I want to learn how to play the piano, maybe the guitar, violin, and the harp.
8. Also, the cello is a very sexy instrument. (the sound it makes is one of my favorites, I mean)
9. Like my voice. (I'm a singer??)
10. I am learning German right now.
11. I only started listening to music by entire albums just recently. Previously, I'd discover music through YouTube exploring and individual tracks, not albums. This explains my wide taste and love for songs.

Now, for the questions I was given!

If you could be any ice cream flavor what flavor would you be? (Keep in mind that the tastier you are the more likely you are to be eaten)
I would probably be chocolate with chocolate chips in it. Cause it's creamy, and it's my favorite flavor. Plus, chocolate on chocolate, man. Am I tasty yet? ;)

What is your favorite smell?
Shooooot I have a lot of favorite smells. here are some of them (both weird and not):

• old books
• cookies baking
• cannabis (even though I don't smoke it, I've been exposed to it a few times, and have learned to like the smell)
• Kitchen Lemon™
• the colognes of certain people
• the natural smell of some people's houses (you know that smell that isn't a food or a perfume smell? like the one that just.. IS? idk how to explain it)
• baby powder
• the warm blood of my ene- i mean dark chocolate

What is your pick-me-up? So what do you do/eat/whatever when you are feeling upset or sad to make yourself feel better?

I usually either do my nails (I might make a picture post compiling some of my favorite manis) or write passive agressive poems/ random blurbs of prose that would sounds cool in a book. Or I make something crafty or I eat whatever's available that is somewhat healthy.

Quick! What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear: marshmallow 

Marshmallow creme, because that's what I put on my fro-yo a few days ago.

If you were a super hero what would your weakness be?
Someone I love.

What is your favorite lyric from a song?
DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE (some of my favorites are on the side of my blog.... that reminds me, I'm gonna add some more soon...)

Favorite thing to do on an extremely hot summer day.
Stay indoors, or go swimming.

If you could create the name for the color of a crayon what would it be?Ooh! This is a fun one! I want to make more than one!!!
Aliens Probably Aren't Green
Angry Child's Cheeks

Citrus Snack

Drown Me In the Atlantic

Enemies Annihilated
I Unfortunately Still Love You

In the Forest

Jake From State Farm

Let's Have a Tea Party

My Butt Hurts But the Food Was Worth It

NOTICE ME

Perfect Banana

What Kind of Pink Am I

(I might've gone too far but this is one of my new favorite things now)

What is something you don't understand about the world (it can be anything you want).
Why love graces some more than others. What a jerk love is, man.

What is your favorite planet? (For purposes of my questions we are going to say that Pluto is a planet since it's my favorite so if you want to choose Pluto you can!).
Earth is my homie G so yeah Earth (also, I didn't want to hurt its feelings and it's kinda the place I'll spend the rest of my life on, most likely)

Explain your hopes for your blog in two sentences. 
I hope that I can save/influence/change some lives for the better with this blog, at least once person, a little bit. I also want this to still be here when (if?) I have grandkids, so I can show them that Old Me was once (kinda) like them, and that I (maybe) found love despite all the craziness.

I nominate whoever follows me! Some of those blogs are private, but feel free to do them either way?
I give you these questions:

1. How many letters does your full name have?
2. What name would you want if you could give yourself any name, no matter how "unique"?
3. What are your favorite smells?
4. What would your last meal consist of?
5. How have your views on life changed from 10 years ago to now?
6. Would you ever sacrifice yourself for someone? Be honest. Who? (you don't have to say specifically who)
7. Describe yourself using only colors and verbs.
8. What question will never be answered? (open to interpretation)
9. What kind of stuff makes you laugh?
10. Cold or hot day? What would you do on that day?
11. Do you want to get married?

I'm back, I think?

Hello! With the school year of 2013-2014 starting next Monday, I think it's safe to say I will be on here more often, now that I'll need an outlet for all the stress of Senior Year.

So.. hi?

Too much tumblr

Sorry I haven't been writing a lot lately. I assure you I will try to sometime before Thursday of this upcoming week. I will be busy then. Also, if there have been any comments on here, I haven't read them. I havent had a proper computer in a while.

Dumping deh teenager posts

Idk why I still have these, I'm kinda over them, but here! :P

I'll be dumping more another day. Lol

I'm dumping these teenager posts on here

Idk