My 2012

It's almost the end of the year and looking back on it as a time period, it has gone by fast. But of course, when we examine spans of time day by day, it felt like those minutes were little forevers, some beautiful, some hideous.

How we wish we could encase those beautiful moments in glass and keep them close to us, near and dear to our hearts. There have certainly been a lot of moments in this year that I loved and will forever love. Friends that have been there for me no matter how crappy I was feeling, a simple hug that came at the right moment, singing carols to the ill, being trusted with something that no one else has ever been trusted with, having conversations with your best friends late at night, hearing my parents laugh together instead of yelling at each other (which doesn't happen too often), the first day of summer vacation, my friend's job party...

And how the bad moments were just unwanted... some were petty, others serious. Having those terrible days when everything sucked, the feelings of not wanting to get up or see anyone or even live, getting a bad grade that caused me to go down into failing territory, unwanted advances, liking people I shouldn't, almost getting in a car crash, awkward silences and misunderstandings, finding illegal drugs on my front porch...

But either way, 2012 was a pretty average year for me XD

This sounds self-contradicting but I can't wait for the new year (the year in its entirety, not the NYE/NY hype) as I plan to accomplish a lot more in 2013 and improve myself and the world around me.

Damn straight, AMERICA. Watch out for this madwoman.

Your Grammar Sucks

As a self-proclaimed Grammar (and spelling) Nazi, (although I admit I do have my moments) I proudly present to you one of the most hilarious bits I've seen on Youtube.

And yes, I've replayed this about three times, which makes for about an hour of narrated grammar fails.

Still funny.

DIDNEY WORL

Oh by the way I was hurrr
----->Disney World<-----

And I rode rides
And saw sights.

Oddly enough, Disney World wasn't as super amazingly magical as I remembered it.

It was pretty cool though. The first night was sweet, getting to perform with Disney's professional processional people (alliteration. Me loves it.) and seeing all those smiling faces (people paid money for this?) and the cameras (people wanna see and remember us?) and being under hot stage lights (ahhh all my sweat and potential mistakes highlighted for all to see!!) on a beautiful stage.

It was out-of-body experience for me, though. Like this isn't really happening whoa am I even here (not in a good or bad way.. Just weird) and I was excited but not excited (I did not understand this feeling.) and I wasn't the least bit nervous but I was anxious and ready.

and of course that night obviously consisted of seeing BACKSTAGE DISNEY!!!!! Wooooo-
No.
Backstage Disney...
....which isn't what I expected but I won't talk about it because I feel like the Disney police will come after me or something and oh my God they're here HOW DID YOU FIND ME MICKEY I SWEAR I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING NO NOT THE spiNnIng teACups of ToRture NO somebody please-

But yeah it wasn't super sparkly or shiny or anything. But that made stepping out into the park just a bit more immersive and magical.

And get this. I didn't get to do one performance but TWO. Man, I was feeling like a pro the second time around (okay not really but I wish) and Alfre Woodard said hi to me, which was pretty neat :)

Be jealous, fangirls/boys/Loch Ness monsters/other?

The next day we got to go to the park, tried to ride as many rides as possible, make the most of our day (despite having one ride close down on us [keep your arms, legs, tails, flippers, an' fins inside de clamshell...] yes we had memorized the warning from Sebastian by the time they told us we had to leave)

Oh my God am I craving the clam chowder I had there

My friends and I, being the cool cats we were, actually frowned and made bored faces at the "secret" cameras that took our pictures on the rides.

t'was a pretty good time.

I just hope I can do it again next year.

It's late at night and I'm feeling dem feels

Come and take a walk on the wild side...
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain.
You like your girls insane...

So yeah Lana Del Rey has a sexy voice and I'm kinda wishing I had a love that was like the lyrics right now.

Winter break has been pretty nice so far, chillax and lazy

(minus the impromptu family gatherings and entire past two days making up schoolwork that was due weeks ago... oopsie)

I mean I've been in this house for what 72 hours straight and I haven't showered since yesterday? Yeah this is the life- oh God I'm a hot mess
just someone please
Please take me out on a date
And make love to me not have sex (they are NOT the same thing) with me (well actually not yet but your intentions are sweet) but rather be crazy and random and fun and intelectual and witty and somewhat good looking and like me for who I am no matter how terrible it is sometimes (do I have unrealistically high expectations or is this just hard to find nowadays?)
And we'll run away together
And we'll go wherever the road takes us
and you'll have a sorta rusty run-down car
And we'll sing to the radio
And camp out and look at the stars
and I could serenade you with my guitar
And we'll have picnics
And skip around and be silly on the beach
and yeah
Like I can't wait to have a love like that
When we're old enough and independent enough but still young enough to do something careless and time-consuming like that
And yeah

that makes me want to write a poem
I'm such a hopeless romantic
Bleh

Take me away
Far away to a new land
A land of our own
Hold my heart
steady in your hand
Adventure's a thrill
Like our love
it's a ride
We don't know
where we're going
Where we'll end up
We don't care
We've got only each other
In this crazy world.
It's us against them.

So yeah... In my opinion that poem was pretty mediocre but then again feels are feels and I'm not restricting them as they come.
(or, at least, I'm placing the rest of the feels in le SECRET blog muahaha)

I've been doing that for too long, and the blogs are the only place I can (somewhat) keep enough sanity.

Loooooove,
ExperiencedNovice ;)

(pardon my chick-flick-worthy cheesiness and constant hitting on you gosh I am such a teenager sometimes)

Remember the Newtown incident?

Well here is something that says most of my feelings about it.

http://seetheconnection.com/2012/12/14/whats-wrong-with-the-world/

Bah, humbug.

Twas the night before Christmas
And at her aunt's house
Was Experienced Novice
(whom few know as Mouse)
The place was a mess,
Things flying every which where
As she ran round the house
While her aunt fixed her hair
The children were nowhere
Near their rooms nor their bed
Because dinner was soon
And the house smelled of bread
Aunt still fixing her hair
Grandparents taking a nap
Cousins eagerly waiting
To crush Santa's lap
Table finally set
After clangs and a clatter
Plates, forks, knives and red cups
Some may eat, while some chatter
Some shove away dinner
Down their throat in a flash
Not sure how it goes through
If they don't bother to gnash
It's time for dessert
The cake comes out all aglow
For you see, it's his birthday
Grandpa's candles to blow
How's he's aged, how's he's grown
No one asks him, what year?
Rather simply enjoy
And congratulate with cheer
More eating, repeating
They do this rather quick
And who comes down the stairs?
Why it's jolly ol' Nick!
But it's not, yes we know
It's really not a surprise
That Santa in red
Is really Uncle in disguise
Everyone piled on top of old Claus
There were giggles and cackles
And hearty guffaws
Presents given out
Each person called by name
One by one they walk up
For a gift they can claim
Well you get the idea
It was a merry fun time
But your dear little Novice
Has no reason to rhyme
She was cranky and grouchy
She did not have a blast
It was pretty okay
Thank God it went by fast
So I'll leave you here
With this post in your sight
Bahumbug to you
May your Christmas be bright.

Sleepless in So. Flo

Merp.
I'm supposed to go to sleep now
I want to
I try
I can't
But I'm so tired

What do you do to help you go to sleep? Comment please

Dammit.
I ran into G.
Almost literally.

He was outside, fixing his car or something, being his usual rugged bum self.

Why is he attractive.

Valentino Spring 2013

Do you not see this perfection like whAT i cANt evEn






one of my faves from this collection

Liveblogging the Apocalypse

So it is 1:00 AM, Eastern Time.
Not much activity going on here in my neighborhood on the eastern coast of the U.S. A plane flew by. It was a bit low, but otherwise not much out of the usual. It is dark outside.

3:07 PM. E.T.
Just got out of school, sorry.
It is cool in South Florida. Pleasant weather. No signs of zombies or major lava-spewing breaks in the earth's surface. My entire family's phones, however, lost signal at the same time.
There is a couple in a van, parked in a nearby empty parking lot. They have what seems to be a stack of envelopes/letters in their hands. How curious.
The sky is quite clear, for the most part, and the moon is high overhead.

5:30 PM E.T.
I'm not sure what's going on. The neighborhood children are performing some ritualistic activity involving screaming and running back and forth with a sphere decorated with black and white geometric shapes. I'm quite concerned.

6:00 PM E.T.
Mother didn't prepare dinner. I'm not eating as much as I thought I would be. I actually have almost no ideas on what to write. Maybe the apocalypse is real.

7:52 PM E.T
Wasn't the world supposed to "end" hours ago? Hmmmm...

I'm weak.

So I've wanted to talk about this...
It bothered me for a whole week after it happened and I'm pretty much over it but I still feel the need to let it out and get my thoughts out.

For the sake of protecting people,because I somehow still care about him, I'll call him G.

I mean, it's not half a big deal as it was to me at first, but...
Cut to the chase, Novice.

Anyways, I was out, hanging around with a few friends, and it was somewhat late, which is when everyone is outside because it's cooler and dark outside.

I feel kind of like a traitor for writing this on here, because he told me to keep this between us,but that's just weird and I mean I know I shouldn't keep quiet about these kinds of things, but whatever.

I mean, are you catching on yet?

Basically, someone whom I've known for a while, G, asked to hook up and have a casual thing going on with me. He told me I was cute, flirted...

And he got closer to me, I mean he was the one making more than passes at me. I mean it wasn't like I let him get a piece of this hot action (oh GOD NOVICE STOP this is no joking matter) but at one point he flirted a bit too much iykwim.

Oh, did I mention he's older than me by like about 6 or 7 years? (I can almost hear you screaming "Pedo!!!") Yeah. He asked me if I still liked him, and I mean.. he's "bad boy, admire and drool over" attractive, not "want to have a deep, loving and serious relationship with you" attractive. So I said "no, not anymore." (he knew I've had a crush on him for like the longest time)

He's got a reputation, and I, being the kind of person I am, like that. I like troubled guys. I know they're no good for me, but gosh, are they attractive. And wild and carefree, and everything I'm not.

And one part of me was like, "oh, cool. He's interested. Means I'm somewhat attractive, at least enough to catch the eyes of a guy like him. Aw yeah, I've got game" and another part of me was like, "NO don't do it he just wants to deflower you and then make you fall in lust and- Novice wat r u doin.. Novice stahp"

And I just felt so conflicted... Was it my personality: the fun and spazzy awkward, side of me, and is that what made him like me? Or was it all just a big lie to make me go to bed with him?

I thought. And thought.
And I felt like crap.

I've known G for a while, so his sudden new kind of interest in me  (other than sharing music and joking about all kinds of topics) was alarming.

It was a lightbulb moment.
It was different now. I wasn't a girl in his eyes anymore. I wasn't just a friend, a buddy.

I was a body, a target.

It made me uncomfortable. I, being so used to just being friends with people and almost never getting so close as to even being recognized as a female or getting hit on, liked to just chill with whoever and not worry about relationships and sex.

I haven't talked to G lately. Fortunately we haven't crossed paths. My knees get weak when I see him.. I hate it.

I hate knowing that if he really wanted to, he could have taken advantage of me right then and there and that I would be too physically weak to fight him. I hate knowing that even though I know he wouldn't do anything, it could happen with someone else.

And I feel so small and defenseless.
So weak. So vunerable.

Do you know what it's like when someone attractive that you've been admiring for years suddenly asks you if you want to hook up?

When you know that you're like putty in their hands even though you're smarter and wiser than them?

When you know you just might do whatever they say because you want them to like you?

Well do you?

What scares me most is that I'm almost surprised that I turned him down.

Almost.

"december so far" rambles that turn into rants again

herpaderp

december so far has been great!

we had our winter concert

and a few of my friends came

and i performed at a local small event

and met a famous drummer!

i missed half of a school day today

to go to the hospital

i got to sing happy birthday to a newborn baby <3

and bring christmas cheer to the ill,

i got chocolates

and gave a present

and ate cheese balls and brownies

i'll probably continue to stuff myself with snacks the next 2-3 weeks...

and i have another field trip today

and i'm going to disney world next week

and yeah

fuck yeah

but you know, with me...

theres always a dark side to everything.

people have asked me a lot

asked me if im okay

and i guess.. despite all this... i am but im not

not exactly.

i mean what used to be a couple fleeting moments

of a flash of a smile and a laugh here or there

and going home to long for the next day

when ill get to talk to my friends again

and sit in the dark and write 2-3 posts for you a day

are now a continuous strand of excitement and event after another

and no time for blogging casually

(or sleeping but i dont get much of that either way)

and im pretty satisfied with that

i dont have much down time anymore

to worry and comtemplate things like i used to

and be all brooding and anxious

i still feel empty though

because that

that one thought

is just waiting in the back of my mind

slowly creeping like an invasive growth

(except it doesnt move much

because its a sloth

okay no, it's an inanimate object

a toilet seat

okay no, it's not an object at all..

rather a feeling.)

but whatever

life continues and ill just keep waiting

for everything to fix itself in time

and if it doesnt

i dont know

im unlucky like that

ill try to make the best of it

so yeah

im done rambling

except not really

i have a lot more i needed to say

but i cant

and shouldnt

this will do for now.

So being the obsessive compulsive, person I am, I was awake this morning, awaiting for the clock to tick to 12:12 on 12/12/12. Actually, I was awake just because my body has the timekeeping skills of a carrot, but anyways.

I'll probably publish this post at that time, (spoiler alert: I don't) if my phone doesn't lag again like the moody little brat it is.

Oh wait. I'm a moody little brat myself, I'm in no position to be insulting my phone like that.

Ha. Hypocritical once again, eh Novice?

So yeah. 12. 12. 12. 12. 12.
Twelve.
Elves.
Elf.
Elk.
Elevator.
Elton John.
Idk.

Yeah. 12.12.12.
Bye.

Random rambles

So I totally gave up on uploading things for that photo challenge. Whatevs.

"Ready or not
Here I come
I like yo' face
do ya' like my song"
Omg Bridget Mendler you sound like a creep

Speaking of creeps, this guy at the mall kept giving me glance-overs and eyeing me like some sort of roasted bird glazed with honey and... and..
Mmmm
food

What is going on

So I'm just kinda stuck here
In bed
Thinkin bout lyfe
The quetto lyfe
its 2 rough
imma b a rapper someday
And sing bout that lyfe u aint about

I'm listening to that classic ish
Cuz I'm classy
So classy.
So classy...
That I go to school everyday.
HA get it because
Classes
No?
Okay.

I had breakfast at around midnight
And it's about 3 hours til dawn

as usual, I was inter-surfing, googling random shiz and I found tumblr pics and then I saw one that caught my eye and
Ugh
Androgynous people are so fascinatingly beautiful
like twinkle twinkle shining star
I dont care who or what you are
But you're so confident and
Beautiful

so I made friendship bracelets for myself [insert forever alone guy]

I still have to go prezzie shopping for my friend
And I suck at buying presents
Like I'm sorry
Even if I've known you for 10 years
I would still have no clue what the perfect and most amazing thing is for you that doesnt cost 50+ dollars
And isn't too personal
Or impersonal
or won't make you silently barf and wonder what possessed you to invite me to your par-tay
Bleh

So food.
I'm such a glut.
:(
I think everytime I'm bored
I think of food
Golosa.
Bad Novice.
I should go to the fridge.
I'm surprised I'm not like 15 pounds heavier than I am now

I'm tired but it's too late to go to sleep...
If I lay here,
If I just lay here...
would you lie with me
And just forget the world? <3

...

Oh.
K.
Your loss.
It was a quote from a song, buuuut...
I was also trying to be romantic and sweet and whatnot
But I guess you just find me awkward
Why does no one understand me and my silly romantic antics
:/
Maybe they understand and they like me
but I'm on Punk'd and can't ask me and my sweet self out on a date
Because it's all part of a show
Guys YOU CAN COME OUT NOW
Camera people?
I know it's a joke
It's okay I won't hurt you
I just want some lovin'
By people that are only half as creepy as I am
And 10 times as attractive
But oh wait-
10 times 0 is still ZERO
*raspberry noise*
*bah dum tsss*
meh
I'm so deliberately negative
It's not even funny sometimes

I should really go to sleep. At least for an hour or two.

YOU ALL LOST THE GAME.

I love you, poopies.

-ExperiencedNovice

DFC: Day 4

#favoritequote
I like a million other quotes too but whatevs

DFC: Day 3

#bestfriend
Well, you might say this is a little sad. But let me tell you somethin'. IF YOU'VE HAD A CHILDHOOD, YOU'VE PLAYED IN A BOX. A box is a wonderful method of transportation, a scary awesome ride down a flight of stairs, a tiny house of your own, a place to hide away from everything, a wonderland that you just walked into... The list goes on. Boxes nurtured creativity in me in my toddling days and even into my double digits and were a blank slate for my imagination to grow and expand onto.

DFC: Day 2

#SummerThrowback

DFC: Day 1

#selfie

December Photo Challenge

So for once, I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and do the December Photo Challenge. I know I'm a day late, but screw it, I do what I want. :P