Lol Pandora stahp

Oh come on Pandora, that's THREE dirty songs in a row already.. I'm trying to get work done, not spontaneously break into song and dance-

Aw yeah this mah jam

Stahp it Pandora

Oh no...
I'm bringing sexy back.

Today I Was Silent

Today I was silent.
Today I was not me.
Today I limited my words.

For what reason?
What was so special or important that I had to make a wordless statement like that one, out of nowhere?
Many reasons.

I was angry.
I was frustrated.
I refused to waste my breath on empty phrases, on topics that would take me nowhere.
I didn't want to spend my time on vapid conversations, on meaninglessness.
I didn't want to say any more wrong things, as I feared I had done so many times before.
I didn't want to contribute much to society because I felt like society had heard enough of me already.

I was happy.
I was curious.
I wanted to see what it was like to be on the outside.
I wanted to know how it would feel to restrain myself to limited communication.
I wanted to experiment with a small fraction of the world, to see how they would react, or if they would care.
I acknowledged that it was probably odd of me, and that it would be difficult.

Today I was silent.
Today I sat back and observed.
Today I learned.

What am I going to be?

Flllghghgnggggg

I'm back from thinking I want to be a psychologist to not knowing what the heck I'm doing when I go into college hehhhhhhhh

I'm extremely jealous of the people who have it all figured out, the people who go straight into what they want to do soon after graduation. To find your calling at a young age, or to have a single passion for something you're also good at and to have the drive and support to pursue it until you've got it has got to be a pretty darn good feeling.

Quite a few fortnights have passed and I STILL haven't decided on what quote I want to paint on my wall.

SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS/RANDOM WORDS/FOOD

I want these in my future home

you hear me future husband, if you are out there somewhere, we will have unique pieces in our house and we will be the coolest kids ever okay

You want to be broke.

LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST SITES ON THE INTERNET OKAY DO NOT ARGUE

ThisIsWhyImBroke.com :: The Internet's Mall

Seriously there are a LOT of nerdy and cool-looking things, all conveniently located in one spot
and yeah just click on it and feast your eyes upon neat, useless, and ridiculously expensive things, dearest readers.

:)

You don't listen

Things were going good today
but ONE thing. Just one thing happens and you scream at me and how irresponsible I am.

Cussin'

I got a couple questions for y'all.

What's your opinion on cuss words?

Necessary? Unnecessary?
Avoidable? Unavoidable?

How frequently do you use them, if at all?
And if so, under what circumstances?

Looking forward to responses, please. :)

G

Okay this is an informal letter and yeah

I thought I wouldn't have to deal with you ever again. I tried to avoid you whenever possible with some success. I mean, I was (sorta) fine if I just saw you yards away because that means I wouldn't have to say a word to you.

But of course it's late at night and I'm just coming home, and who do I see as soon as I get out of the car?

Who, tell me who, none other than you walks outside their house JUST at the very moment the car parks and the doors open up?

It's like you just knew.

And I mean, you could go up to my mom, or my brother and ask them but NO, you walk right up to me.

I saw you walk my way and my instincts turn on and my heart starts to beat just a little faster and... are my lips dry? and in my head I'm going, "shit shit shit shit shit shit" and suddenly you're only 15 inches away from me and you ask if you could borrow something.

I, like the idiot I am, am too busy admiring you and damn, have you gotten a little bit darker and a little bit-  wait- is that cologne I smell?

What did you ask for?

You repeat its name 5 more times until I finally come to my senses and spaz back and forth and
"oh right"
I dash upstairs to ask my dad if he has what you're looking for. He doesn't.

I run back down halfway and tell you what he told me
did you even hear me?
I go upstairs to check on stuff and you walk up, not too far behind

I'm not sure if I like this or not
BUT I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE VIEW OF MY ASS YOU JERK
but maybe I like the attention
and as you're walking right past me to enter my own home like you own the damn place
you smell nice. is it for your girlfriend?

why am I jealous if I don't even want you
(or maybe I shouldn't want you)
and why do I want you
but you're not even my property

you think you're hot shit
and maybe you are

but you know what you can barge in to my house whenever you want
you know very well that you've got me all tangled up in my own lust
but you know what I'm going to play your game and beat you at it

HA.
HAHAHAHAA
I'M WEIRD.

It's All In Your Head (most times)

So I got a comment on my last post, and that gave me the idea for this post.

(I apologize in advance for the lack of cohesive thoughts in this post, my mind's been running around a lot lately)

Sorry for not posting anything these last few days. I was so afraid of the thought of falling into the terrifying state of mind called "Writer's Block" that I ended up dooming myself to be blocked either way.


Ironic, isn't it?

Fear plays a big part on what we do, what we don't do.
What we think will happen may end up happening because we've cornered ourselves into having no other choice.

I thought I was going to have a hectic year. They say Junior year is one of the hardest, and I was expecting the worst.

Oddly enough, 11th grade so far has been a rough year for me, but I'm recovering and trying to brace myself for more, all the while contemplating the crazy things that have happened so far.

I had a big important essay thing prepared (cause I'm definitely important and wise enough to make valid and exemplary speeches.... yeah right) that related to the song but I don't feel like writing it anymore.

I feel like I'm good at saying things and giving advice (at least I hope so) but I never follow any of it...

But I don't give myself enough credit, I guess. I used to think I was one of the smartest people in my grade (back in elementary school) and therefore I was, because I worked my hardest in order to live up to that expectation.

Over the years, I've come to realize that there are people much more hardworking and intelligent than I am.

And I wonder, "Why try, if my best is never going to be good enough?". My best isn't going to be THE best. I'll end up being compared to someone else.

But then that song (which is The Middle by Jimmy Eat World btw) comes to mind and the lyrics ring true.

Don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away

Meh something came up and I shall come back and finish this post properly. But listen to the song, it's been stuck in my head for days :P

Hmm.

Hmmm...
 I'm not sure what to write about.

For once, I am stuck on here, and have no clue what to begin with, much less what topic to write about.

Hmm.

Anyone wanna give suggestions or tell me a story?

Poem on stress

Stress

Each one of my limbs
moving independently
each with a mind of its own.
Do this, go here.
Finish that, start this.
Independent structures
Flailing to and fro, crossing and running into each other.
Too busy to know where the other is going.
I look like an octopus.
Fuck, I almost miss the days of not having anything to do.
Crack. A flaw in the system.
Don't fall behind, don't fall behind.
Crack. A stress line on the top of my forehead.
What do you mean you don't see it?
Bullshit.
Trying to continue.
Trying not to collapse.
Restlessness.
I can almost feel my eyelids sag as their contents beckon to escape their sockets.
They want to be freed into a world of rest.
Or at least momentary pause.
Nothing stops.
Stretch.
My skin expands in all directions
my limbs grow further and further apart
Crack. go the bones under all the tension.
Still in one piece, though.
Each limb, dangling lifelessly
trying to regain consciousness.
They fail.
Twitching and gasping for help.
No one can help.
Defeat.

Rookie posts

found this awesome website for teen girls, with tons of interesting posts. not all posts are explicitly for females, though. here are a few posts I liked :)

Rookie » We're Called Survivors Because We're Still Here
Rookie » Older Guys
Rookie » Life Skills 101
Rookie » How to Be a Lady
Rookie » How to Make a Computer

overwhelmed

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging lately; there's a lot to do with my school's finals coming up.

Have you ever been so overloaded with things to do that you get tired just by thinking about it?
That's how I feel right now.

It's quite stressful.

Hundreds of questions and worksheets that have yet to be answered.
A song to perform (I'm the lead aghhhh) on Monday, and others that I have to perfect for competition.
Work to make up for days I missed.
Bringing up my grades in a matter of days.
A history exam in the Spring to worry about, even though that class is over in a few days.

Screw you, board of education.

I've got dozens of unpublished posts about all kinds of different topics for this site, and now I don't have time to finish them. Blogging is my stress relief.

I've got to finish all this work.

NEBULAS, that's what.

Gaze in awe at the coolest images (in my opinion) of nebulas. Because science.

Orion

Horsehead

Crab

Carina

Cat's Eye

Rosette

Back to Busy

I'm not sure why, but the thought of going back to school is making me nervous.

I didn't hang out with any close friends this break.

My plans were ruined because of family things going on and the fact that it takes me forever to work on homework, gah.

I'm currently working on my evil History teacher's busy work.

But anyways, back to the actual post topic.

I'm nervous to go back. Settling in to the hustle and bustle of a M-F schedule. Talking to people who I care about (other than my family's) face-to-face again.

I don't know why, but it makes me nervous. Like I won't be able to settle back in to society and keep having as many good days as I did recently.

I dunno.
I overthink.
Maybe getting busy again is what I need.

Does anyone ever feel like this?

Tumblrin'

So I've decided to make a Tumblr account.
mhmmmmm

follow me at experiencednovice.tumblr.com , obviously.

I'm high and luvvin it

Haha I'm not talking about that kind of high, first of all.

But I am pretty inexplicably happy right now. Like I'm on a rush of endorphins and something girly that makes me want to flirt the night away. Come at me, bros.

The Westboro Baptist Church

Where do I begin?

When you read the name
Westboro Baptist Church
what comes to mind?

I have a few words that come to mind when I hear it, and they aren't pretty.
I took it into my hands to research a bit more of this group and their message. Their ideas, their actions.

Now before you go hating on churches in general, I will say that the Westboro Baptist Church is not affiliated, oddly enough, with any Baptist denomination.

Now why would that be? If the WBC has Baptist in their name, they should be a part of something bigger, right?

Well according to them they are. I went to their website, which is so appropriately titled "godhatesfags.com" and was absolutely repulsed by everything that was posted on their site. Their message? God Hates Fags, and God Hates America. I'm not the most patriotic person but the little logo of an upside-down American flag, an image which should only be reserved to indicate extreme distress or danger, insults me, and is frightening to see.

In various posts and in every single possible corner or the site, God Hates Fags and "the lie that God loves everyone" runs rampant. But they don't save all their hate for the gays, no. They proclaim that practically everyone who isn't them is "going to Hell" and will "perish and burn eternally". They are Anti-Semitist, and intolerant. The site itself screams at you with hate, and suitably fits the members' attitudes.

From the Christian-run site Christian Post:

"Westboro member Margie Phelps has commented in an interview that the group believes God sent 20 year old shooter, Adam Lanza, to shoot and kill the 20 children and six adults in Connecticut because the state had legalized gay marriage."

Let's check Wikipedia:

"The church has been actively involved in actions against gays since at least 1991, when it sought a crackdown on homosexual activity at Gage Park six blocks northwest of the church.[7] In addition to conducting anti-gay protests at military funerals, the organization pickets other celebrity funerals and public events that are likely to get it media attention.[8]Protests have also been held demonstrating against Jews and some protests included stomping on the American flag."

In my opinion, the WBC is either a religious group gone unacceptably extremist and hateful, or a hate group disguised as a religious group.

Now whether the chicken or the egg came first, doesn't matter AT ALL. And I don't care.
I really want to see this group come to an end.

There were supposed to have been 25,000 signatures in the petition to the White House to legally recognize them as a hate group. By the time I finished this post, there were approximately 303,000 signatures.

Look at the stats now:

Legally recognize Westboro Baptist Church as a hate group. | We the People: Your Voice in Our Government

Ew "resolutions"

So instead of being a hater, a skeptic, and anti-everything about this, I'm going to actually try and make a list of "resolutions".

1. Improve my relationships with my friends. Even though my parents don't let go out as much as I'd like to, I'm going to try and arrange a big hangout a little more often instead of once a year. (I'm usually busy with family matters, I'm getting quite tired of it) At school, I distanced myself from one group because I talked to another more and I was starting to feel like things were odd between us. I wish I had classes with them, and hopefully that will change next semester.
2. Actually work out. As of now, I don't have a workout routine, nor do I do high-energy activities at all. Ever since weight training class was over, I kinda just got lazy with doing any sort of physical activity and now instead of being able to do up to 300 pushups over an extended amount of time, I can barely do 10 without my arms giving in and my body collapsing over it. Sad, I know. *slowly reaches for cookie jar for comfort
3. Dietary restrictions. My eating habits are really bad, as if not exercising were bad enough. Sure, I barely weigh over 100 lbs, but I'm surprised I haven't passed out on the floor based on how much sugar I consume in a week. I tend to eat when I'm bored, indulge in sugary things when its that time of the month (PERIODS, boys. They ain't fun.) and I don't really want to eat as much meat anymore, keeping in mind my family's history of heart disease...
4. Independence. I've always measured my success and happiness based off of other peoples', and I don't want to do that anymore. I want to stop moping around about being alone and actually giving that time some meaning and do things for myself. I want to be able to treat myself to something nice or dressing up pretty without feeling like I don't deserve it.

So like my other blogging friend, I'm actually looking forward to 2013. 13, after all, is once of my favorite numbers, and it's going to be the end of my Junior year...

AND THE BEGINNING OF MY SENIOR YEAR! I can't believe it!

google doodle:

I also really want to get this blog moving more, but I'm not sure where to start!