i need a change of thought.

So... another serious post.

I think my brain needs some rewiring.

My way of seeing life nowadays uses the words "useless", "wasteful", "meaningless", "dull"... and so forth.

I've been dealing with this for the longest time. I think it's hereditary... seeing that my mom's told me she used to think like that too. (shh... no one but her and I are supposed to know)

I'd like to think that my life has some meaning. I think it does. But every night this week, I've been afraid to close my eyes. I can't help but wonder if this is what dying looks/feels like, being unconscious for a while and neither seeing nor thinking nothing.

Of course, this is far from the truth, as our subconscious is always functioning, otherwise we'd stop breathing in our sleep and then we'd truly die.

Death. Death terrifies me. We don't know for sure what comes after life. You can neither prove nor disprove that there is a second life, or vice versa and that there isn't. It's scary, isn't it?

I believe there is something else. Something we can't percieve. We can't see X-rays, radio waves, or black holes. But we know they're there. We're found instruments to help us prove they're there. So who knows what other things are out there that we can't see?

My life has meaning. Family, friends, future. I live and breathe and promise myself to go on for these F words.

I just have to make sure I think of these everyday.