A Vow to Myself

I've decided I'm not living the life I want to live.

I have two years left of high school. I lived the first year worried about fitting in and being cool.
I lost all my friends halfway through.
I lived the second year going, "woe is me" and wanting to hurt myself out of the misery that was my life.
But I tried to keep a smile on my face, painted on the exterior and held it there until it would break every so often. And I'd "start over."


I'm going to be nicer. Less judgmental. I can't just curse and hurt my way through the rest of high school.

If I like someone, I'll say it. To their face.
If I don't... I'll keep my mouth shut and be nice to them either way.
It's not being a hypocrite. It's being mature.

If I want something, I'll try my best to get it.
I won't complain and whine if I don't. I'll try harder next time.
And if it doesn't work, I'll find a better thing to want.

I'll stay on task.
Try and do things when I'm supposed to.
As much as I can, to the best of my ability.
Until my mind starts wandering again and I need someone to guide me back.

I'll try not to put myself into situations that hurt me.
If I'm stuck, I'll try to make the best out of them.
I'll try to keep a smile, like I always have and push right through.
But if it hurts me too much, I'll avoid it, to the best of my ability.

I'll complain less about myself and the fact that sure, I'm not as pretty as other girls.
But I'm also way less sluttier.
Notice how I said WAY LESS and not NOT AT ALL.
Whatever. There's always room for improvement. ;)

I'll always hope for a better future, and remember the worse of the past.
I won't dwell on the bad on the past, either. I'll accept that not everything is happy-go-lucky and positive 100% of the time.

But with a good attitude, I'll make the best of it.

I'll be a smarter, more confident, sexier self.
And I won't feel uncomfortable about calling myself sexy.

...Okay. Maybe that... not yet.

I dedicate this song to myself <3