"december so far" rambles that turn into rants again

herpaderp

december so far has been great!

we had our winter concert

and a few of my friends came

and i performed at a local small event

and met a famous drummer!

i missed half of a school day today

to go to the hospital

i got to sing happy birthday to a newborn baby <3

and bring christmas cheer to the ill,

i got chocolates

and gave a present

and ate cheese balls and brownies

i'll probably continue to stuff myself with snacks the next 2-3 weeks...

and i have another field trip today

and i'm going to disney world next week

and yeah

fuck yeah

but you know, with me...

theres always a dark side to everything.

people have asked me a lot

asked me if im okay

and i guess.. despite all this... i am but im not

not exactly.

i mean what used to be a couple fleeting moments

of a flash of a smile and a laugh here or there

and going home to long for the next day

when ill get to talk to my friends again

and sit in the dark and write 2-3 posts for you a day

are now a continuous strand of excitement and event after another

and no time for blogging casually

(or sleeping but i dont get much of that either way)

and im pretty satisfied with that

i dont have much down time anymore

to worry and comtemplate things like i used to

and be all brooding and anxious

i still feel empty though

because that

that one thought

is just waiting in the back of my mind

slowly creeping like an invasive growth

(except it doesnt move much

because its a sloth

okay no, it's an inanimate object

a toilet seat

okay no, it's not an object at all..

rather a feeling.)

but whatever

life continues and ill just keep waiting

for everything to fix itself in time

and if it doesnt

i dont know

im unlucky like that

ill try to make the best of it

so yeah

im done rambling

except not really

i have a lot more i needed to say

but i cant

and shouldnt

this will do for now.