Not My Time

I'm not exactly sure how I wrote this. Looking back and re-reading it, it feels like a different me took over and these words came out.

I used to be a pretty spiritual person (does not necessarily mean religious as in organized religion),  but somewhere along the last few months I kinda lost myself and I lost what I had back then. But now I'm just busy being me and slowly enjoying life again.

But whatever. I hope you enjoy it.

Not My Time

By Experienced Novice

I wasn't sure where or what I was. I was in a state of confusion, lost, and I didn't know where to go.

I tentatively took a step forward, and was instantly blanketed by the perfect white, a white that outshone everything; suddenly, the beautiful light made everything look brighter and bigger and more beautiful.

It suddenly hit me. In an instant I realized that I was dead. I was gone. I didn't know how to react. I couldn't feel anything bad. I didn't accept it, but I wasn't angry either. It was impossible to feel that way after I saw it-

...the garden.

It surprised me to see that this garden, so full of life, was open to me only after my death.

The flowers bloomed in alluring vibrancy, glorious colors of all hues, tints and shades I didn't even know existed jumped at me with life. The bushes shivered and trees grew their limbs to greet me and winds blew all around as I walked past.

The moist earth was soft and smelled of both organic and inorganic things.

Never before had I felt so at peace and yet I was so happily anxious to explore this new place. There was a sort of lively humming in the air and all around the garden, the beautiful sexuality of it all was amazing.

I heard a voice talk to me. A voice that didn't really come from anywhere. It was just there.

I thanked it for its guidance and for this beautiful gift and this great feeling and everything that was here.

It gave me time to adjust to my new surroundings. It was a lot to take in at once.

Then I started to think. What was so great and special about me to deserve this? Did I really deserve it?

No.

I felt human emotions. Sadness. Guilt. Then I started to feel anger. I didn't deserve this. I didn't want it yet. I felt spiteful against the garden and wanted to return back to my life, and my friends, as shallow and earthly as it was, I missed it. And I felt regret for all the time I had wasted, and thought about the short life I lived.

What I had done wrong. What I wanted to do but never did. What I said when I shouldn't have, and what I never got the chance to say. I wanted a chance.

The voice understood....

I wasn't ready.

...and so I came back to Earth, having had a taste of what awaited me.

But for now, there was work to be done.