Insane but Free

Another short literary story by Experienced Novice

They see me with judging eyes and hear me with warped hearing.
The reality that is me is distorted to them.

Sometimes I wonder, without worrying, who I really am if they see me this way.
Who am I? And if I don't know who I am, then who will?

I remember my youth...I used to love cartoons and reality TV. The simplicity of animated characters beating each other with mallets and slapstick humour. The life of pregnant teenagers and the planning of brides-to-be. I listened to pop and other upbeat medleys, and dwelled in my own worlds of fantasy and child's play.
If someone was hurt, I would go and help. Things were as simple as yes or no, and is or isn't. How ironic that by living in my black and white world, I saw in technicolor.

I was one of them back then.

Then I grew up. I started to explore outside my little world, and the harsh realities of life and its complexity burned the gossamer film of innocence that had once covered my eyes. It wasn't as simple as kissing your cuts and bruises to make them feel better or turning away from a stressing situation. Before, I accepted that something was unfair because it had to be, and that adults or life had the right to choose whether it was or wasn't. Then after the loss of countless loved ones, and after suffering many unfairnesses, I refused to settle for what life had given me. I rebelled against society and it's pretty cookie cutter standards and cliques and did not want to settle for what life gave me.

And slowly, I went what they call "mad".

Notice I placed quotation marks around mad. Why, you ask? Well I ask you how do you know that I'm mad? What exactly constitutes sanity and who's to say I'm not deep down on the inside, a sane person who makes insane choices and chooses insane actions? And what are insane choices? What is wrong and what is right? Based off what? Morality? What is morality? Why do you think that? Was it taught to you? Do other people do the same things and follow the same things you do? How does that make it right? And what is your concept of right based off of? What if it's a lie, despite the overwhelming evidence and examples?

Maybe I'm one of the few sane people living in an insane world. Maybe I see it for what it really is, and you all choose to live in blissful ignorance.

Double take on that, will you. Think about it.
And so, my reasons for doing what I do, my job, are justified.

My days became stressful and my nights restless. What did I have to do to get back at the world? What would I have to do to bring the rest of the world down to this living hell, with me? Pry their eyes open to reality and hold them down to the fears and unfairness that I went through so that they could learn what life was really like?

A voice deep inside of me called to be a justice bringer to this city. I started to make use of my time, learning about these people and teaching them lessons. I went out on the streets at night and hid away in my asylum in the day.

...In life, there are always choices.
The choices you make do not make you, but they do pave the path to make others more favorable for you to take.

In my life, there was a big choice to make and I made mine.
I chose to become a "killer".

Finally. It was a release to find my place in the world, to do what was good for you and for everyone else. To see the beautiful tears and beckoning of people to let me give them the chance to live was satisfying. Their desperate shrieking cries made me realize that they had finally seen the harsh reality of life, I helped them break through the walls that confined their ignorance in a box.

I chose to follow my calling and do what I thought was right, and it happens to be that you "sane" people find it "wrong".

Given the right circumstances, anyone can go "insane".
Everyone is tortured by frustrations of their own and are confined to expectations and limits of what is right and what is wrong.

But you are the one to choose to let it out and shatter the glass illusion of what you should be.

I did, and I'm finally free.