the life of michelle: E.N. on why she wants to date.

Monday, April 9, 2012

E.N. on why she wants to date.

I've talked about this before with a few people. Sometimes my friends ask me why I desperately want a boyfriend. Why dating matters so much to me. You say dating isn't everything. I see what you're getting at. But you don't understand what's it's like to be me. To know so many things, to worry about so many things, to never feel complete without someone else. I have friends that I treasure and adore. But that special someone... I haven't found him. Every time, things should be working out, but they don't. I either fail or if he likes me, I can't make myself love him back. I wish things could work out, just once, so I don't have to suffer through this anymore. So I can feel like that space is contained by something, someone wonderful. I need someone to be there for me. Someone to be there in a different way, in a position that my friends could never fill. Someone to trust with all my secrets. Someone who sees all my flaws, accepts them and learns to love them.

Everyone's posting music now, aren't they?

...Yep, all my blogging friends (only like, 2) have posted around the topic of lyrics. Alrighty then, giving in and joining the bandwagon. Hooray for peer pressure!

"So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me..."

Ending lyrics to one of my favorite songs about unrequited love. One of my favorite songs ever, actually. Yes, it had to be Coldplay.

In keeping up with the spirit of melancholy music, a playlist about troubles with love:

"When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special..."

Have you ever felt like this? I have. Quite often.

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Song Quotes

"We'll all float on."
"Sometimes all I really wanna feel is love. Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry. Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say."
"And we will never be alone again, 'cause it doesn't happen every day... kinda counted on you being a friend. Can I give it up or give it away? Now I thought about what I wanna say, but I never really know where to go so I chained myself to a friend, 'cause I know it unlocks like a door."
"My gears, they grind more each day, and I feel like they're gonna grind away. And the city blocks, they drive me wild, they're never ending, mile after mile. I just don't know what to do, I'm too afraid to love you."
"It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.."
"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you'll try."
"I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop."
"We all need somebody to lean on."
"Someday, I will be strong enough to lift not one, but both of us."
"Nothin' lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change."
"I took my love down to violet hill... There we sat in snow. All that time she was silent still, said 'If you love me, won't you let me know?'"
"Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?"
"If you're lost you can look and you will find me... time after time. If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting... time after time."
"If every second counts on a clock that's tickin', gotta live like we're dying."
"At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself, talking to the moon... trying to get to you. In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too.. Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon?"
"Pretty, pretty, please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing.... you are perfect... to me."
"I want love to roll me over slowly, stick a knife inside me, and twist it all around. I want love to grab my fingers gently, slam them in a doorway, put my face into the ground."
"But I'm a freak, I'm a weirdo... What the hell am I doing here?!? I don't belong here..."
"You use your heart as a weapon, and it hurts like heaven."
"I don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile. And she will be loved..."