Excuse me.

You know how in the beginning of this blog I excused myself and said that there would be some days when I wouldn't write anything at all? This is one of those times. It's just been kind of hard for me lately...

So many kids take most of their lives for granted. For example, this one stupid (Isn't it always?) girl said something in class today. "I think we're one of the richest schools in the county." Bitch, please. No we're not. Not all of us, at least. Are the poor just invisible? Do I not count? Uh, yeah, hello, am I not here?!?! Come visit me. Live my life. Try to stay an entire week here, and see how different our lives are. Most of the things you have you take for granted. My small apartment, a struggling, dysfunctional family of four, in a disadvantaged neighborhood, where more than half the people are either druggies or violent alcoholics. Where the American Dream is vanished. Empty promises this country makes, illusions burned to the ground like photographs. (America sickens me.) Some are lucky. They get all their stuff in line, and boom, they have jobs, a nice house to live in, and life is good. Most aren't as lucky. Depending on your nationality. (I used to be constantly criticized and made fun of because of my nationality, my appearance, and stereotypes. It hurts when you know that all their words are true and it's more than a stereotype, it's life. Those kinds of things are not things to joke about... This may or may not explain why I hate them so much.) Parents...The harsh reality only sets in when you realize that because of your fault, your kids are suffering too. Here where the chances of getting a good future are slim to none. Your only wish is that your kids do well in school and you work your asses off to make money so that they can at least assimilate with the others...And you have the nerve to say we're all rich. Some kids, a few months younger than me, have cars already. You can afford to spend 3-5 dollars for lunch every day. Surprise, surprise, I can't. And shopping is just one of your hobbies. I have to scavenge furiously from store to store to find something both nice and cheap. Your futures are all set up for you by your mommies and daddies. Some of you are barely getting by with your grades. You prefer partying and drinking and... ugh. I'm overgeneralizing here but this is what I see in my school. (I said something funny to J today.. I think I have mentioned it to C or S... "You're all going to graduate with STD's." I was barely able to contain my laughter.) I don't belong here. I read a book for school once: The Absolutely True Diary of a Part Time Indian. The Native American (ironic, eh? native.) kid leaves his own kind to go to an all-white, stereotypical rich kid's school. And he "betrays" his family, his race, and they all hate him because he walked away and left them, only to create a better future for himself. This book, like me, wraps all of the depressingly true stuff behind a mask of crude and realistic humor. It is one of my favorites. Plus, it has pictures.