Less than 3 days ago I had a triggered anxiety attack, but I had a few good people help me through it. It didn't last more than an hour.
Today, I started getting anxious during church again. The pastor's words resonated in my head and tried my best to focus on the lecture, both out of respect for the religion I used to be a part of and because I was geniunely interested in his words. All of a sudden, my hands started to shake and my body started itching to run outside and scream at the top of my lungs. I sneaked out before I became too noticable, and walked to the local park once again. The drizzles and gusts of wind added to my confusion and soon I ended up crouching underneath the bleachers and sneaking around before anyone could notice me.
I called a hotline, with no luck. 15 minutes on hold as I was trying hard to compose myself. I felt so hopeful yesterday. And in that moment I felt hopeless. When the people from church started flooding out, I tried my best to avoid any sort of contact, almost running into a car.
My stomach hurts and my legs aren't stable. There's a lump in my throat and I can't say anything because the people who are supposed to understand don't understand. My hands are shaking as I type, enough to be concerning to only myself, but not enough to be noticable to the outside world. I thought I had conquered this. My battle is never over, it seems.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I don't want to talk to anyone.
I just want to let you know that you're never the only one.
Take care, girl! I pray that God will give you the strength to make it through this and show others that overcoming and overwhelming amount adversity is possible. I've been following your blog for a while now and I know that you have so much to bring to others, so keep fighting and keep writing because you're not alone either, if that makes sense. ^.^;
ReplyDelete"Used to be a part of"...? What happened??
ReplyDelete