Thoughts and updates

Academic life. This week/weekend I'd been trying to finish all my missing work so I could turn it in on Monday (today). My teacher picked up on the fact that there was more going on than what I was telling her and said she'd give me a bit more time and that she knew I was a good student. And now I feel bad because I'm kinda letting her down... I've still been pretty distracted (as usual) and anxious (more than usual) and I'm taking a break from working on my mandatory reading as we speak. I was practically two weeks behind on work, which is definitely a record low for me. Even though it'll kill me to end this class with anything below a B, a low C is better than the 66% I currently hold.

Newsflash. Don't know if it's my confession to tell, but I have some sorta happy news. Someone confessed to liking me. He's quite a nice person, and in the short time that we've actually talked and hung out for short moments I feel like I can trust him with almost anything. It's been a while since I felt like that with someone. Maybe we'll be best friends, maybe we'll date, maybe we're secretly siblings separated at birth but we'll never find out, or maybe it's Maybelline.

Status report. My feelings toward this other person who's been my close friend for years and my major crush? Well, I don't think they're ever going to really go away. I guess I'm a sucker when it comes to people that mean and/or ever meant a lot to me. That's mostly my problem.

Shoutouts. One of my blogging followers (shoutout to Nikki P!) emailed me about the situation (see the post named "shit") and I found some comfort in her concern. (Shoutout to Lucia the Lunatic for also being a good person.)

Relationships. My mom and I fight every other day, but we're both understanding each other more than we did before.

Overall?

Yes, I've been a sucky person lately (okay, very sucky). Yes, I needed an attitude check. No, my life probably won't get better too quickly.

My life's been sucky, what more can I say? I don't like to say it's an excuse, but it's a pretty darn reasonable source of angst. I know other people have it worse than I do, but there's only so much I can handle before I become a visible trainwreck.

My dad's been on and off work, trying to find somewhere to go, with limited success. We almost lost our home of 13 years and while I complain about this smaller-than-I-wish-it'd-be apartment and this disadvantaged neighborhood I'm pretty thankful (to the stars, to atoms, to the heavens, or whoever runs our doesn't run this thing called life) for still being able to type this post through my phone's app, while on my warm bed in my room full of things which have been donated to us over the years by strangers and friends. Who knows... we might get kicked out in a month or six or continue paying off the debt in small portions.
I'm a hypocrite. Sometimes I grumble to myself on how most people at my school are better off, wasteful, and take things for granted, and here I was, starting to do the same.
I've got a chorus concert on Tuesday and Wednesday that I'm trying to cheer myself up for, I've got friends who are still here to pop up occasionally and make sure I'm okay, I've got a blog to rant on and share things with people, I've got at least some food in the fridge and more than one pair of pj's (old t-shirts and basketball shorts, anyone?), I've got a cell phone and a laptop, milk and cookies (update: there are no more cookies, I now remember I ate the last one) and things that have happened that make me learn about myself.
For now, I've got all these memories away in the attic of my mind. Maybe someday they'll just be photographs to burn or maybe they'll be scrapbooks to restore and add to. Who knows. I'm probably going to sporadically go back to them when I feel a little lonely or nostalgic or happy, just because.